nothing

2012-02-09T15:57:00.004+08:00

I guess this pretty much sums up everything.

2012-02-08T22:57:00.005+08:00

I need a break from everything. Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook. I just. Everything makes me want to cry. I'm on the verge of breaking down. I'll still reply my friends. Just not the 3 people who are making my life so miserable right now. I'll blog more about it on my private blog.

I have been pushing people away. People have been doing shit to me. I can't do this anymore. I can't be used. I refuse to be used. Chucked away when you have found another.

Not good enough. Never good enough. Be it looks or personality. There is always someone one out there better than me. I'm so sorry that I'm such a waste of space. I'm just so sorry.

I'm sorry that I thought you'd care. I forgot that you didn't. Not anymore.

Worse still, IIP1 people are leaving. They are leaving. I can't bear to face reality hence my angst for the past few days. Everything around me is falling apart. The worse part is that I am either making things worse for myself and everyone else or not doing anything at all by not caring.

Shit I feel so weak now.

2012-02-06T23:07:00.005+08:00

2nd Feb, Thurs- Went to school for service lessons because we thought that there was going to be a buffet. So we heard that it was cancelled so we decided to skip it. We later found out that the buffet's still going on. Hahahaha but too bad. I didn't bring my hairband to tie my bun so I didn't have the motivation.

Went to Woodlands Polyclinic to get our queue number then we slept there for about an hour. Got gastric flu at work.

3rd Feb, Fri- 2:00am in the morning, my parents sent me to the hospital because of my gastric flu. Bill totaled up to $128 and I felt so bad. 7:45am, I woke up for my 9:00am lesson. I only reached at 9:30am!

Crashed the other class's potluck session. Mr Al's brownies are to die for!!! So sweet of Rachel to ask if I was okay judging from my gastric flu tweet. Jarrett too!

4th Feb, Sat- Woke up really early because I had to reach Woodlands Stadium at 7:00am. Just for Sports Day. It was really boring.

Lunch with Rui Yang and Fel at Long John's Silver at Causeway Point. Then left to Marsiling Community Centre to sing with Joreen, Kaiyi and Rui Yang! Kaiyi and I kept hiding the remote in Joreen's bag. Then she took it out.

So when we left, the aunty chased after us because it turns out that someone put the remote control in my bag! I don't even know who did it!

Work and Gladys visited me! I really feel that having late night chats with Gladys keeps me sane because I just bottle everything up for a couple of days and it feels so good to just let it all out. OH DID I MENTION THAT SHE FIGURED SOMETHING OUT. (refer to private blog)

And she was going to treat me to Gong Cha so she asked what I wanted. I wanted the Strawberry Au Lait at first but felt that it was too pricey. So I just told her that I wanted Green Milk Tea. Later on, she asked me if I ordered that only because it was cheap and that I wanted her to save her money. OKAY HOW DID SHE KNOW. This is damn creepy la but I still love her.

Freaking don't know what I'd do without her or Limin or Liting. They're the ones who have ever seen me cry. Yeah so I got emotional that night knowing that they won't be there next semester.

5th Feb, Sun- Lohei dinner and AGM meeting with Shuyi and Fel! I really do not know what AGM means. It was quite fun because there was good food.

First time gambling for this Chinese New Year. In my defense, money was not used when gambling so I am still holy. Hehehe crap.

That day was also the day that my dear friend Melizsa contacted us again. So happy for her.

Today

I was in a bad mood from morning till night. Lunch with Gladys and we saw Sir Han! I feel so bad that kitty had to tolerate my mood swings. Love her. Followed her for her interview and then we had Thai Express at Tiong Bahru Plaza. (privateblog)

Ah shit he's not replying me and I don't even know why. He's killing every conversation. If this is your way of being a bad guy, it sucks. Good guys don't always finish last. We're so distant now. I don't even know what to say to you anymore.

I almost broke down today because I have no time to study, I have so many things to do. I actually have four plans on Thursday. This is nonsense. And two tomorrow. Shall nomz on Brands Bird's Nest. Khai owes me waffle ice-cream tomorrow nom nom nom.

2012-02-01T17:50:00.004+08:00

I guess it's better if someone doesn't fall in love with me. Imagine the trouble I will cause him. I am sensitive, possessive, I think too much. There are many girls out there who are more sane than I am.

Karthik where the hell are you. Save me from all of this. You helped me forget things.

"Where'd you go, I miss you so. Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone."

30th- Late night chat with Khai n_n He's my really really good friend now.

31st- He said, "i'll text you later!". It never happened. You said you weren't like those guys. You were the nicest guy I've ever met. Not anymore.

I don't want to talk about Macroeconomics lesson or lunch. So took bus 966 with Khairil and Liting back home. Love them so much because they had motion sickness from the bus ride and I felt so bad.

Kaiyi joined us and we had kway teow at home before heading down to my workplace. Hehehe had fun at my house though. They're so cute because I ran to work since I was late. Then they went missing for about 10 minutes even though I tried looking for them! Then Khai came out of nowhere and approached the shop saying, "Eh Sherina you work here ah!" Omg hahahaha xoxoxoxo

So sad because I had to work. I wanted to join them. Since they came from Central and the West, I wanted to treat them to ice-cream but they refused. Furthermore they treated me to Gong Cha! So sweet.

Today

You know it sucks being close to people. It just sucks so bad because when they leave, it feels like they took a part of you with them. It makes you feel so empty. (S)

Yay I got my friend back. One additional friend in Year 3 Semester 1: K.

Liting said that Khairil and I looked compatible together when we were at my house yesterday. Hahahaha imagine if my mom saw and felt the same way too. Chey but no thanks.

It's really sad not having someone on my mind right now. K's my really good friend now, S's not doing much, just living his life. I am definitely staying away from F because I think he's using me.

Someone please let me love you. Hahahaha.

2012-01-29T21:27:00.004+08:00

26 January, Thursday

Michelle asked me why I looked sad. After service, so did Gladys. My workmates have also asked why I looked so sad. I guess the main reason's really dumb and I'm not sure if it's actually the reason why I feel this way.

I guess it's either the fact that I'm losing S or because F is really bad at replying my texts. I don't know. The conversations with S is getting nowhere nowadays and I guess it makes me really sad. His past texts could make me feel so happy and I didn't have to wait so long for a reply. Now it's like I have to wait for an unusually long time for a reply. Furthermore his replies are hard to reply to. If that makes sense. It's not like he's killing the conversation but I guess he's not interested in it either.

Even worse, after a few texts, he wouldn't reply me anymore. I am so sad. I just don't know what is happening. So much for telling me that we won't forget each other and that you care. Where are you now.

Rushed home to attempt to bake Strawberry Shortcake. It made my day completely worse because I have never failed at baking before. I was just so depressed.

27 January, Friday

Pot luck with the class and Ms Su. Saw K through the window. He seemed like he couldn't care less about his lesson. Kitty asked me why he looks so sad. Then I realized that I felt sad too. It really pains me so much to see him this way. He will always be my priority even though the favour will never be returned. I care for him too much. But things have been going well because when I'm there for him, he wouldn't push me away like he did before.

Chased after Sir Han, Nats's eyecandy from Year 1. I think he knows that we were stalking him. Happy to see kitty and Limin after so long. Slacked with Limin, Chiew Ting, Yunice and kitty at Marble Slab at Causeway Point. Kaiyi joined later.

Me: I had a nightmare that Melvin was the one chasing me.

Kaiyi: What if Khairil was the one chasing you.

Me and Liting just stared at each other for a moment. We really didn't expect that and now we're suspicious as to why he asked that.

Work and I was kind of angry with Riziah because I wanted to called Awfully Chocolate to reserve a cake for my brother but she didn't let me. Saying that it was working hours. Okay firstly, you go for a billion smoke breaks. Next, I already told you that it's for my brother's birthday. It's important. I bet if it's regarding your son, you would have wanted to reserve the cake too.

28 January, Saturday

Had breakfast at Stadium Macdonalds at 7am with my parents. Sent me off at Harbourfront where I met up with the rest for the Batam trip.

- Hotel related stuff like housekeeping and front of the house. So irritated with the housekeeping guy who was in charge of my group. Eight people in my group, he asked me to wipe all the furniture and also vacuum the floor. Bitch la I don't do housework.

- Checked into the room with Liting and Natasha. Gladys joined us later. We decided to ring the bell and knock on the boys doors then flee. We later found out that the guys in the first room got really mad. And the guys in Iggy's room were really scared. Hahaha so cute.

- Napped for a little while then dinner. We got back to the room and me, Nats and kitty started dancing and singing. Nats said that I was good with the rave. Sharon, Shu, Gladys and Limin joined later.

- The other girls went to bed. Heart to heart talk with Gladys and Limin at the pool. It's stupid la. The water was cold. It's supposed to be warm since it's night time.

- Singing with Limin and kitty on bus rides.

Today

I think the other activities are stupid. Like the games because we were so tired yet they wanted us to be involved from 9pm to 11pm. Shopping was also stupid because me, Liting, Nats, Gladys and Fel fell asleep on the sofas at J. CO Donuts.

It was my first time hearing your voice over the phone. Rest well, I'm sure you're just as tired as I am from the trip. (refer to private blog)

You, I just want you to text me like how you did before.

“Only after disaster can we be resurrected. It’s only after you’ve lost everything that you’re free to do anything. Nothing is static, everything is evolving, everything is falling apart.”

—	Chuck Palhaniuk

2012-01-25T19:05:00.003+08:00

Food Beverage Management facilitator you can just bitchslap yourself la. Shit all my grades are dropping. I feel so tired from work. I have skipped two Understanding Tests because I wasn't able to study for them. All because of work.

F asked why I was pissed off so I told him that it was because he didn't reply my text. He texted me first and when I replied, he didn't reply back. Dafuq dafuq dafuq. Then he called me just now but I rejected his call and texted him instead. Then he didn't reply my text again.

This has been the worst week ever la. Thank God for Gladys and Fel for allowing me to rant to them.

My alarm didn't ring. I had to spend $27.35 on my cab fare. I waited half an hour for my drink at Gong Cha, which the guy did wrongly because he made green tea instead of green milk tea. Even my mom ditched me when I asked her out for lunch at town. I'm fat. I thought that I could get some alone time in town but I got lost and it was so crowded. My iPod Classic keeps crashing on me.

Since nothing seems to be working out well today, I decided to skip lunch and survive on the two buns and wrong drink I had. I even locked myself up in the room.

2012-01-22T15:06:00.008+08:00

16th January, Monday

Service practical Understanding Test. Mr Gewi was so nice because he let us score for the section where we had to carry plates.

Had lunch with my classmates, Liting, Tommy, Ben, Andrew and Nazihah at Pizza Hut. We ended at around 12pm! Me and kitty decided to sing at Civic Centre. We didn't know it was 4 hours long so we almost died there.

17th January, Tuesday

We went to Causeway Point for lunch with Ms. Su and my classmates during break time. So we decided on Manhattan Fish Market.

Followed Liting for her interview at Resort World Sentosa. Which I regretted because I could have visited my grandfather for one last time. They said that there were rashes all over his body and he wanted to speak but no words came out.

18th January, Wednesday

He passed away at 2am. I woke up at 6am for school and saw the message. I really don't get why they didn't wake me up. They said that they thought that I had exams but I haven't even been studying for anything.

I cried like mad. I couldn't stop crying. The first person I told was Khairil because he was the last one to WhatsApp me before I fell asleep. Suprisingly he was the one who was there for me the whole time. Limin too. I want to thank all those who cared.

I miss him so much. I love you Atok. I need you back. I am so sorry for not visiting you for one last time. I am so sorry that I didn't prioritize you. I put my social life and work before you. When along you were the important one. I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me since young. I love you.

Mr Teh Tarik with my cousins and ice-cream at Macs 201 after. And then I texted S. But I never told him what happened. Instead, I set my troubles aside and helped him solve his problems.

19th January, Thursday

I mean I care and all you replied was "Have a good day. x" What was that supposed to mean! You should be the one comforting me. Not the other way around.

I also cried on the way to school because I miss him. I still couldn't believe that he's gone. I would expect my close friend to hug me when she sees me right. But she didn't. That is very disappointing. It doesn't stop here. I took my time off. I could have visited him instead. You don't feel an ounce of guilt do you.

(waterworks starting now) No Food and Beverage Management retest. So me, Felicia and Khairil slacked at Lawn instead of going back to class to finish our work. I thought that it'd be weird but it wasn't really that weird.

Me: Sing One Direction for me.

Khai: Oneeeee Directionnnnn ♪

Me: Thanks ah.

Rushed home to bake Banana Chocolate cupcakes for Liting's birthday.

20th January, Friday

Did you get me a card, no. Did you get me a cake, no. I got a fake cake. Did I pay for it, yes. Lol if people didn't make the effort to celebrate my birthday, why do they expect me to put in the effort to make their birthday feel like some superior occasion ah.

Faiz pissed me off too. I guess I was irritated by his odd sense of humor.

Work with Gen and Asnita. Love them to bits.

I was so pissed off. It seems like so many people are leaving me. So many people don't bother about me anymore. Like they didn't bother to reply or their replies were so cold. So I wanted to lay off all social networks and any form of communication for awhile. But that didn't work.

21st January, Saturday

Had break with Asnita. Walked in the rain with her to Banquet at Parkway Parade and back. Hahaha. Joelle came to find me at work and passed me this Gastronomia cupcake.

The Obolo people are fun too.

Rachel- The first one to talk to me. She offered me food. And she's so nice. She's even the best employee there.

Stuart- Like Rachel, he's of the same age as me. He is my Obolo crush.

Guo Xiang- Stuart and Rachel's friend. He's nice too.

Jarrett- The guy with the side shave. He is 2 years younger than me and he was also from Ngee Ann Secondary. Very nice guy too.

Me: My manager was staring at the new girl's crotch!

Jarrett: *laughs*

Me: FUNNY MEH?!

Jarrett: Yeah the way you say very funny.

Hahaha I love the Obolo staff la. I don't like the other girl who's also from Ngee Ann Secondary because she used to be close to my secondary school crush, Wei Liang. She keeps asking me for free ice-cream.

Slacked after work with Asnita. Singing and being mad at our manager. I started to wash the stuff at 9:44pm and he was like, "Why you wash everything. It's not even 9:45pm yet." Yes 1 minute can totally gain you one more customer.

Walked Asnita to the busstop and the Obolo staff were there too. Walked back to the mall to watch Hybrid with my parents. The movie sucks. Most of the time, I was texting S.

Today

I guess a break from work. Things are better now between me and S, between me and K. Ever since that day at Lawn, ever since the day that he was there for me, I realized that I missed him so much as a friend. The guy who made me laugh. I fell for that. His sense of humor, his stubbornness, his musical talent, his singing talent. I miss you, my dear old friend. ♥

2012-01-17T21:09:00.002+08:00

Post 666.

People disappoint you. They say that they will text you but they never do. They ask you out but never get back to you. They expect a cake from you but they never got you a cake either. They start texting you first but when you text them, they seem uninterested and after a while, they stop replying. I still dislike my Food and Beverage Management facilitator.

People lie. Guys say that they prefer girls who do not put on make up. But every girl that they have obsessed on have shit load of make up.

You expect someone to contact you but they never do. What happened to "I'll text you tomorrow." "I'll text you later." Like what happened during the holidays was nothing. During the holidays you made me feel like the most important person in the world, saying that you cared for me. Now you've made me feel so worthless. You don't bother about me anymore. I forgot K because of you and then you decide to be a jerk too. Thanks for not replying me.

No I do not have strong feelings for him. Just that he was really there for me when I never had to utter a word. I thought he understood me. So don't. Just don't do this to me. I told you that we would forget each other because people leave. You refused to believe that. So I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn't leave me.

I thought that you wouldn't leave me like how the rest did. I just wanted you to stay.

2012-01-15T11:26:00.007+08:00

11 January, Wednesday
After school, Fel accompanied me for lunch. Then I went to the school library. Skype with Limin and she started sending me all these videos. So I ended up watching videos in the library until Liting came to give me some cake. But it was Tiramisu so I couldn't eat it since it has liquor.

Half an hour later, Faiz came to find us. Slacked then Liting had to go. So Faiz got me to watch him play Football Manager. Then he ditched me. UT clinic with Limin and Chiew Ting.

12 January, Thursday
I followed Khairil on Twitter. School was so boring so we spammed pictures.

Stayed back after class to practice service. Then had dinner with kitty at KFC and ended up at the library to rest. I don't know how this happens but whenever I miss Karthik, he will never fail to text or call me without me initiating.

13 January, Friday
Skipped school and met up with the girls in the evening to celebrate kitty's birthday. My first time at Holland Village and we had Everything With Fries and then ice-cream for dessert.

14 January, Saturday
I was supposed to remove my braces today but I wasn't ready so the dentist postponed it to next month. I'm still considering if I should let Shafique accompany me.

I was making waffles and all of a sudden I befriended these two toddlers called Glowy and Evelyn. They were so cute until they started asking so many questions. I taught them how to make the waffles. Then Charles came to visit. And the toddlers thought that he was my boyfriend. Uh ok no.

Work was so fun and tiring because people kept coming in even though we've switched off the lights for the ice-cream.

- A customer asked if Rum contained alcohol.
- Dinner with Asnita.
- Testing each other on how to make Tasty Creations.
- Letting customers try awful flavours like Orange Blossom. It really tastes like cough syrup.
- Fighting for space at the slab.
- Han Bin teasing me because I was smiling to my phone. And Asnita said that I seemed happy the whole day.

In addition to that, Gladys sent me pictures of Sir Han. My day was good.

Today

My Indian Limin. She didn't know that I pasted it there until kitty told her. She thought that I was merely pressing my finger on her forehead.

2012-01-10T19:50:00.001+08:00

If I don't have feelings for him, why do I feel jealous now.

2012-01-09T23:30:00.008+08:00

2nd January, Monday

Full shift at work and my cousins came to visit me. I kind of gave them three free cups of ice-cream.

3rd January, Tuesday

Skipped the talk after school to catch New Year's Eve with Liting at Cineleisure. It was quite good because it was funny though very predictable. Went to Abercrombie and Fitch. I told myself that I would not be one of those girls who obsess over the guys but I was wrong.

Slacked in town with Liting after the movie. This girl was so clumsy that she almost had an accident thrice in town. The funniest was when we both didn't see the cars and I accidentally groped her boob to stop her from crossing. So Shafique, Shu, Gladys and Iggy were at town too. But there was no fate for us to meet one another.

4th January, Wednesday

No practicals for Hospitality Information Systems. Lunch with Gladys and headed back to the interchange with her and Liting. There's a new girl called Raquel working now.

5th January, Thursday

So there is a retest for my Food and Beverage Management Understanding Test 2. I was so annoyed by the tweets about Republic Polytechnic and School of Hospitality. I mean if the person is interested, there is no need to trend such things.

Liting placed her broken laptop button on mine. Then E asked how I made my button white when the rest of the keyboard is black. Then I said that I painted it and she believed me.

So Adrian has a new haircut and he looks very cute with it. Ruiyang told me something about K wanting things to be normal again but he doesn't make the effort to do so. I am very disappointed. I was actually very sad when he didn't bother to reply me after I decided to wish him Happy New Year. I waited for him to wish me first. Until 6pm when I decided that I should just do it to try and make things normal again.

His friend said that maybe I like him. He said that it couldn't be. I didn't even want to reply S because he didn't reply me the day before. So I ignored him in school. But he still cared when I tweeted late at night.

6th January, Friday

Open House and it was quite fun because lots of our friends kept visiting us. But it was quite tiring. This S asked if I wanted to have dinner with him. Then he went home with his friend.

So I had no choice but to take the train down to town with Fel and Liz. Liz went off with her friends and me and Fel went to look for Charles at Ion. Dinner at Bali Thai and dessert at Swensens.

7th January, Saturday

Had breakfast with Fel at KFC before heading to school for Open House again. I was slacking the whole day. Even Shafique noticed and he said that I was a slacker. I am probably the worst student ambassador ever.

After the whole thing, we headed to Sakura for dinner. Mr. Gan treated us which was really sweet because he had to pay for $27/pax for 15 people. But I really didn't have the appetite to eat because the food wasn't that nice. Drama during the whole thing. (refer to private blog)

Walked back to the interchange with the rest. (refer to private blog) Pinky promised that we would go to Spain together. Hehehe. I wanted the pinky promise stamp but he didn't. So I said that the pinky promise wouldn't last and he gave in ^^

8th January, Sunday

Woke up at about 10am for work. After work, I had religious tuition. After that, I had to rush off to Tampines to meet Amira. After meeting Amira, I had to go for a movie at Katong. The Darkest Hour was not bad. The storyline was good but they didn't seem to have the impact.

And also arguing with S because I don't think it's fair that he is forcing me to do this. (refer to private blog)

Today

Practiced carrying plates and glasses. Ate lots of food during service like spring roll, chicken bolognese, prawn dumpling, egg tart and honeydew. All cooked by the chefs.

I guess it was okay. My feelings for him wasn't that great. S told me to be sure of my feelings for K. But it's not confirmed yet because my feelings for him may have faded because of something else. If that thing is gone, I would just fall miserably. Since I am unsure of my feelings for K, I haven't told S yet.

Dinner with Gladys and Liting at Banquet. The Tom Yum Ban Mian and Marble Slab ice-cream. I really need to stop owing people money because I hate it.

2012-01-01T19:47:00.003+08:00

During my holidays.

1) I got closer to someone I never thought I would.

2) I got my Dr. Martens.

3) I watched Wicked.

4) I had fun at work.

5) I caught up with many friends.

6) My wish for Karthik to contact me came true. He's still my close (or best friend in his eyes) to me.

7) I got a BlackBerry housing that I have been yearning for ages.

Best holiday I ever had.

2011-12-27T23:42:00.016+08:00

10 December, Saturday

Went to the polyclinic at Bedok for my health checkup with my mom. We got lost and I have concluded that I can never trust gothere.sg again. The doctor was really scary because he had to ask me questions and tick them. And he shouted at me for answering so slowly. He even ticked the questions when I haven’t answered them.

Rushed down to work for my fullshift. No clue what happened.

11 December, Sunday

Buffet at Aquamarine! The food is really good. I find that there is lesser variety as compared to Carousel but the quality of the food is pretty good. The lemon flavoured macaroon was so good. I tried turkey too. More expensive than Carousel but worth a try.

12 December, Monday

My second time skipping school. And this time I skipped the Food Beverage Management Understanding Test 2 as well. People said that the percentage for the Understanding Test 3 will be higher. People said that the percentage will be the same.

13 December, Tuesday

Macroeconomics was a killer because learning about exchange rate is harder than it sounds. I also created a Twitter account for Faiz. He told me to go to school the previous night and in the end he wanted to leave on that day.

Went to some Fuze meeting to find Fel. Then we went off to Raffles Hospitality Center for the Open House briefing. Oh Shafique was there on both occasions but it’s irrelevant.

Slacked at the Reel Room with Felicia. I paid for the fries. She paid for the cab fare to Woodlands Interchange. Took the train to Promenade where I walked to Pan Pacific Hotel in my heels.

Dinner and Dance for the Singapore Chefs Association. Food was quite good. I think 7 oysters was too much because I got really queasy after that. The cheesecake, prime rib and potato gratin were the best.

14 December, Wednesday

Hospitality Information Systems Understanding Test 2 and I broke down straight after the test. A couple of my classmates as well as those from the other class saw. Of course the three facilitators saw too. Mr. Al was like, “How to talk to you like this.” And I remember saying something like, “I don’t know if I’m crying or laughing.” and started hopping.

I actually cried a lot. My hands were shaking. I skipped two parts of the test. And Mr. Al wrote on the note saying that I got an A. But people just want to bring me down by saying that the marks I got was a B+. Piss off and let me be happy.

Oh Mr. Al also said that I am a confident person just that he didn't know what happened today. It made me a little happy to know that someone thinks that way.

Work was terrible with the boys because Julian, Terence and Han Bin just kept speaking in Mandarin. I was really tired from all the pressure and crying and they asked why I looked sad and tired. I didn’t bother telling them what happened so I just kept quiet.

15 December, Thursday

Service Practicum and I cried again. I was in charge of the VIP room and I hate it la. I hate being under pressure. I spilled half a glass of a mocktail on the person’s back. The principal of Republic Polytechnic was also there.

Thank goodness for my friends who were there to comfort me. I still had to face the VIPs. Mr. Tan told me not to worry because we are new. I later found out that he told my facilitator, “Why are your students always trying to embarrass me?” Piss off please.

But then again the facilitators said that they would help me but their help was kept to a minimal. Slacked with the chefs after class. I talked to Khairil okay. Just that he kept looking at me with that look like something happened, like he intentionally wanted to make things awkward. Why can’t he just get past it.

Movie with parents and two of my cousins. We watched Mission Impossible at Kallang. The movie was awesome. And my cousins are going to Malaysia with my parents. I bet they’re going only because my dad will pay for every one of their shit. They better not take advantage of my dad and shop like crazy. Especially the girl. She shops impulsively and she makes my dad pay for clothes she can barely fit into. Basket la. Go make your parents pay for your crap la. You think what. My dad’s money is yours ah. You bloody freeloader. Since I’m not going for the trip, they better watch out. Especially you Syafiqah. You watch out.

16 December, Friday

Date with Ya Xun. We bought tickets for You Are the Apple of My Eye. So much for making fun of people who watched that show. I admit it was a sad show but it seems to be a Chinese version of 500 Days of Summer. Because both parties didn’t get together in the end.

Had lunch at Popeyes and sneaked in Gong Cha to the theater. Actually the main actor was really cute and handsome so it was a turn on. Dinner at Astons. It was pouring so we decided to walk around Plaza Singapura. Which was really boring so we ended up at the Starbucks at Orchard Point.

They gave me cum.

I started singing the lyrics and Ya Xun just did the signs for them. It’s so fun to learn sign language. Okay so we parted off and I wanted to shop for a little while. But I didn’t have the confidence to since it was a Friday night. Okay I did shop at 313 Somerset but not Cineleisure.

So I decided to look for Ruiyang. He was selling christmas hats. Saw lots of Republic Polytechnic students. I saw Adrian and his clique.

17 December, Saturday

Full shift work. Limin came when my shift was about to end. She’s so funny la. She came with her big luggage. Julian has to stop hitting on my friends. So I dared him to ask for her name, which he didn’t. Just smile like some pervert.

So Limin and I went home to have kway teow for dinner. And then sent her off to Queenstown. She’s forever making us lost hahaha.

18 December, Sunday

Bowling with the whole family. I suck because I got 53 for the first game and 74 for the second game. I was the second last out of like forty people. We booked 10 lanes. My team got 6th place though. I had fun with the family.

Rushed back home for work and I was so pissed off with Terence. He made me do the washing and mopping. So I asked why can’t I do the cashier and he said that we’ve been doing it for the past few days.

1) The mop was spoiled. I would have looked like a fool to use a mop that was broken into half.

2) He let his girlfriend (Not his girlfriend. I just gave her that term.) do the cashiering. I shouted back, “Just because you like her, she gets to do the cashier la.”

3) NO WE DID NOT DO CASHIERING FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. I was in charge of closing the previous time. The previous previous time, Han Bin did it. Don’t give me such crap la.

Oh and Gladys was there the whole time. Hahaha I would have died if she weren’t there. Terence is just plain bullshit.

19 December, Monday

Going to school to submit Batam forms as well as practice Housekeeping. Then I’ll give Liting a surprise at her workplace. I hope she doesn’t have plans after that because I want to have dinner.

One of the worst days ever because nothing went accordingly. I had to take the train to Liting’s workplace and I wanted to cry because I am scared of trains and it took forever. Then Liting wasn’t there. She couldn’t have dinner with me either because she said that it was raining so she couldn’t go out.

I took the bus home. It was 2 hours long, my phone died and my mom scolded me later on saying that I ignored her text. My black iPod crashed on me the whole day long. There was no battery in my laptop. But I concluded that it wasn’t really a bad day because I got to text S.

20 December, Tuesday

Went to I12 Katong at around 4pm to meet up with Nats, Gladys and Shuyi for the cocktail event. It was the Golden Village cocktail reception. It was quite good, seeing that we did minimal labour and earned 50 dollars within an hour.

Went to Marble Slab after that for ice-cream. Trix gave me a free one.

21 December, Wednesday

Had a heart to heart talk with Riziah. Learned more about her. Her tattoos, her ex-husband, her life. Then I thought about how I would cry if any of my friends led her life. I would be in so much pain. So I’m thankful that their’s isn’t that dreadful.

Ran after bus 12 even though I had menstrual cramps. I just wanted to get rid of my chores. I forgot that bus 12 didn’t go to Tampines Interchange until I reached Pasir Ris Interchange. So I had to take the deadly train to Tampines. Collected Fat Cat from Mavis.

Visited grandfather at night. I told myself that I wouldn’t lose him. I teared when I saw him in that condition. So frail and shivering.

22 December, Thursday

Plans with Ya Xun got cancelled. So I asked my cousin to follow me to town. I thought she was going to cancel it too. In the end, two of my other cousins met us at town. I walked around town by myself first.

I wanted to get the pink Dr. Martens that Karthik promised to get for me. We were supposed to exchange birthday presents. But I guess not since he never got back to me. I get to save on his Supras then. The shoes were out of stock. This African American guy talked to me at Leftfoot and he seemed nice, asking me what I was going to do now that the shoes are out of stock.

Walked to Ion and turns out that the Fossil clutch is out of stock too. I was so angry that I decided to spend close to three hundred dollars after that. I even bought a dress for the Wicked musical. And thirty dollars for four pairs of Topshop socks.

Met up with Huda and Ayuz at Popeyes for dinner and Atin came by later. Visited Atu at her workplace and went off to buy my stuff. Went back to Atin’s house to visit my grandfather. I love him.

23 December, Wednesday

Work later. So updated news is that I have a backup husband. We agreed that we’d have to be 25 years old. And his terms are nonsensical. He said that I’d have to be working and driving. I need to ask if driving means owning a car. Because I’m really not as rich as him to be able to afford a car.

Anyway, please take care because I’m genuinely worried. I’ll miss you. I’ll miss texting you when I’m working because that’s when I’m bored and get annoyed by the guys at work. So sweet of you to tell me that you’ll be switching off your phone, before I had the chance to reply your previous text.

Because I compared you and K. He wouldn’t do that. He would just leave me hanging and I’d be sad. But I smiled when I received your text.

24 December, Thursday ❋

Went to I12 Katong with my mom and we bought macaroons from Obolo. Rachel's really sweet because she rushed to the counter to tell her manager to give me a 15% off but could only make do with 10%. I had Gong Cha then accompanied my mom for Bali Thai.

Some were really good. Worth two bucks per piece. Actually I only liked the Rose one which is the one in pink with white filling.

IWent home and Han Bin told me that I had to fill in for Yanti since she was sick. 8 hours of work without break and I was dying because we extended the closing time by an extra hour because customers just wouldn't stop coming. So the staff at Obolo told me to get my manager to give me extra pay. Which I did. And which he did.

Work was fun only because I had the staff from Obolo to talk to. Like Rachel, Stuart and the other guy. Best Chirstmas Eve ever because Stuart talked to me. I told myself that I wouldn't talk to him since he is attached. Unless he talks to me first.

Stuart: Bye.
Me: Hi, bye.
Stuart: *laughs*
Me: What, funny ah?
Stuart: Haha yeah because you said hi and then you said bye.

Omg who even describes it like that. He's so cute.

25 December, Friday ☃

My babies. Georgie and Fat Cat.

I thought that I would be spending it alone. Had dinner with Limin at Skinny Pizza. It was worth a try I guess but I highly doubt that I would return again. Then we had to rush to Marina Bay Sands because we were late.

Missed out on the starting. I really liked the story line a lot but the overall, it wasn't that great. Maybe because the set was extremely small or maybe nothing can beat the musicals at London. And Limin made me bring Fat Cat out. She cheater, put the pictures on her blog only. I go steal.

26 December, Saturday

Took over Mabel's shift this time. I think it's because her other job is paying a higher price but I shall not assume. I was so tired because it was a public holiday and it was so packed. Furthermore, I had lack of sleep and my eyes started to tear because they were sore.

Met up with Gladys and Shuyi for dinner at Long John's Silver. This Gladys inferred that LJS meant Lan Jiao Station from the text that I sent to her. So the shops were closed and we slacked at Red Mango.

Today

Best day at work ever. Except the day when I knew about Stuart's existence. Oh and there seems to be a new guy at Obolo. Shall befriend him.

Anyway work with Genevieve and Asnita. No supervisors. And I had Strawberry Shortcake which cost $10.80. We kept laughing and my manager texted us asking why we were laughing because he was observing us from the CCTV.

Strawberry Shortcake, the best.

- Gen told the customers the wrong cup size and managed to maintain a poker face.

- Asnita was waiting for a long time to use the sink and Genevieve was just hogging the sink and after a really long time, she asked Asnita, "Eh you waiting for me ah?!" I was even done with what I had to do.

- Asnita said that we had white permanent marker. Nice we can't even see what is written then.

- I switched off the lights then Gen said that she couldn't see anything so she touched the floor instead.

Omg I luvh dhem pliez. Oh and I am very sad that S didn't text me when he got back from his holiday.

2011-12-12T21:51:00.002+08:00

I am so stressed out over my Hospitality Information Systems Understanding Test that it has led to the rupture of my brain and causing my eyes to well up. I just can't take it anymore. It's so freaking hard. I have been at it since 7pm. And I have only done one scenario. It's like I took half an hour to figure every single shit.

They asked for a replica of a reservation. So now there's two. Then they told me to change the name so both reservations are under different names. So I took and hour to change them but when I changed one, the other one automatically changes so both reservations will be under the same name no matter what I do.

I need to stop crying. But it's so hard. I'm so weak.

2011-12-09T23:14:00.006+08:00

5 December, Monday

Worked with Genevieve. I was close to Amanda and her when we first started working. So after work, there was drama. He texted LT and then LT texted me. Then I couldn't sleep until 3am.

6 December, Tuesday

Woke up 3 hours later for school. I knew I forgot something and only remembered when I was reaching the bus stop. It was the Amira's Macroeconomics book. It is so helpful because a Junior College book is so much easier to understand than the resources in a polytechnic.

Watched Puss in Boots with Liting. It's so cute and funny. I was in a pretty emotional state in school. And you do not say that someone else's romance life at least has a chance hence implying that mine doesn't.

7 December, Wednesday

After class, Gladys and I had pizza at South Foodcourt for lunch. It's better than expected and I'm actually not sure if it's halal. Saw everyone in IPID except Fiona in school.

Looked for Amelya and she passed me my present. It's a Body Shop bundle and I used it once I reached home. At the same time, I received a message that actually gave me a shock. I really did not expect him to bring it up. I was expecting him to ask my friend to help him and I can just take my time to reply. Or actually not reply at all.

Then I realised that if I keep running away from this, he will never know the reason and I will never be able to tell him everything that has caused me such pain. Gladys helped me so much with this because I was going insane from thinking of my next step. Also with Limin's help because she was calming me down.

Went to work. It actually sucked because Julian was being so quiet and boring. His haircut was funny. But surprisingly Terence made work fun. Because I could never get along well with him before that.

So while doing closing, I was at the back of the store and saw this cute guy from Obolo, a store beside us. So I discreetly watched him from afar. But Terence caught me off guard when he asked me if I found that guy handsome. I started to laugh like mad. Riziah and Terence kept teasing me.

- Rizz kept telling me to go to the back to do stuff. But she was actually letting me mingle around with the cute guy and other two girls at Obolo.

- Terence wanted to tell the guy that I found him cute. He even said that since Golden Village cinema is opening in the mall soon, we could go for a movie date.

The people at Obolo are actually nice. The girl offered me a chocolate at first then we all started to talk. So I gave them free ice-cream. Which I couldn't scoop because I was too happy that the cute guy talked to me. So Terence helped me to scoop. The staff at Obolo ended around the same time as us but I had to leave with Terence and Rizz first.

Went home to have the talk with K. It was supposed to be a serious argument but I was too happy from work. So I guess things are alright now. He sent me this unexpected and sweet text please. How can I be angry with him.

8 December, Thursday

I was wrong because he failed to acknowledge me when we were in the same room. In the morning, I was smiling on the bus and couldn't sleep. During operations, I continued to smile while serving, with the pain caused by my heels, with the amount of dirt on my hands when clearing the plates. Because I still couldn't believe that the guy talked to me.

Rushed off for my dental appointment. Before that, I had free Toffeenut Frappe from Starbucks. Saw many Ngee Ann people. Matthew, Yiqi, Nisha and Dennon. So I guess it's my last colour combination for my braces. I will miss you a lot.

Today

The whole class had Macs breakfast together at the barbecue pit. It was rather relaxing and peaceful.

I was so demoralized because Ms. Su graded the bed I made with 18/40 for my first try of the day. After lessons, we stayed back and I did it a second time. This time I decided to spend more time on making the bed neat. It looked messy despite the fact that I put in so much effort in making sure that the linens are neat. I even overshot by 1 minute. I got 16/40.

Dinner with Gladys, Shu and Liting at Causeway Point. Shu left so the rest of us went to Raffles City. We had Gong Cha. I tried the Golden Ovaltine with white pearls and it's pretty good. Slacked at Macs.

I never forgave you. You just assumed so. I know that you will go back on your word. Once you break my trust, it's hard for you to gain it back.

I'm so angry and sad that I missed the A for my Macroeconomics Understanding Test by 0.5. It frustrates me. I hate this. I've failed Amira as well as myself. It still scares me that I have this feeling of whether I will do badly or well for a test. And I was right.

I have no time to study for my tests and I am going to break down. I don't want to do badly for my tests. I just got reminded that my GPA dropped and I'm just so scared. I'm so scared that it will drop again. I'm so very scared. Scared that FNB UT is a close book test with application using written and oral tests. Scared that people said that Hospitality Information Systems test was really hard. Scared that I will do as badly as I did today for my housekeeping UT. Scared that I will not be able to carry the plates for my service UT. Scared that I will not do well for my Macroeconomics UT again.

I am very scared.

2011-12-05T22:47:00.006+08:00

Hahaha I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's clear that he likes her and it seems like she feels the same way about him. Hahahaha shit. Hahahaha yay I am so happy right now. Haha because his tweets and her posts both match. AWESOME HE WAITS FOR HER! She must be very lucky. Remember the time you stood me up for like a few hours. Hahaha. I want to cry now. She is so lucky hahaha. I want to cry now. Haha. This should be on my private blog but haha it's just too much of a happy story. If I ever tell him everything, this is going to be one of them.

September to November- Judging from your tweets, I thought it was me. It was someone else. You kept my hopes up.

December- You decided to have a crush on another girl.

You forgot my birthday. You stood me up. For a year and a half I suffered with you talking about your eyecandies, thinking who you might like. I always had to wait for you. How sad and miserable you made me feel. How many times I wanted to say these words to you. You owed me souvenirs from two countries and my 17th birthday present. Yet I gave you the souvenirs as soon as I had the chance to meet you. (I am tired now. These are all that I can think of.)

Now that I have scared you, you may walk away from my life forever.

Then again you listen to mainstream, can't type properly, skip school, do badly in exams. How to earn money in future like this.

But you're right. They aren't mainstream. Just that they're all pop and stuff. And you don't listen to Kpop.

All these mixed feelings. I still don't know if I should let you go or hold on. It's clear that I am still holding on though I am trying.

2011-12-04T13:58:00.007+08:00

2 December, Friday

My gastric flu acted up again and people told me to go home but I didn't. My timings for making the bed were below what was required so it's a good thing.

Went to Causeway Point to find a salon where Liting and I could have our hair washed. Everyone seems to find it weird except Faiz. Which I think is really weird.

Okay met Fel and Nats at Bishan where we headed to Cineleisure to watch Breaking Dawn which has probably made it's way to my list of worst shows I have ever watched. They wanted to go to a pub after that, which we did at CHIJMES.

Slacked for a little while and headed home.

Usual shot with people wanting me to look like I'm a sinner.

3 December, Saturday

Woke up 6 hours later to prepare for school. Since dad was sending Raiyan to work, he gave me a lift to school. Had KFC breakfast with parents and I have found out that KFC breakfast is so much better than Macs breakfast.

The whole day was filled with drama and I wanted to kill myself. It's not my fault but I guess things have settled down, though I didn't get to explain myself.

Parents picked me up and we had beef noodles at Serangoon. Just like old times at Far East Plaza when we were young but things just decide to change and become unsuitable for Muslims.

Today

Just spent $90 on online sprees. That is half of my pay for November. Work later at 6:30pm to 10:30pm. I really hate to do closing. And I slept from 10:30 last night to 10:30 this morning. Yet I feel so sleepy now.

What am I doing. I'm anticipating your replies now. I smiled when I received your message. What is wrong with me and really what am I doing.

LT asked me, "Why hasn't K asked me why you are ignoring or not talking to him? It's so obvious that you are ignoring him! Or is he just stupid?" Yes he is stupid.

2011-12-01T21:08:00.008+08:00

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Forcing myself to blog even though I'm still mentally and physically unstable.

25 November, Friday

After Benjamin said that I was annoying, I kept quiet. Then my friends started to get worried. I was so used to keeping quiet that I started to be sad about things.

After lessons, Jason, Nats, Fadilla, Liting and I had ice-cream at Marble Slab Creamery at Causeway Point. Then met up with Azra to go to Tampines. Dinner at BBQ Chicken with Mavis too.

Then we went off to Ngee Ann Secondary School for the band performance. It was a really great experience for me. They seem so passionate because I saw it in the efforts they put into making the concert a success. I really miss band.

Slacked at Tmart Macs with Azra and Mavis for about 2 hours before we parted ways. Azra and I saw this two whores on the bus with the biggest boobs ever and exposing half of them. We were in a middle of the staring session between them and the Bangladeshi people on the bus. I forgot that I had to change bus so when I alighted, I had to take a cab home.

26 November, Saturday

Work with Dayana. I really love the crew.

I thought that your tweet about someone unfollowing you was about me. But now I'm just not so sure about it.

27 November, Sunday

The 21 year old guy from the store beside us gave us cheese fries. He's the owner of the store because they said that his family is rich so he gets his own business. Later at night, I realized that I had gastric flu because I had ice-cream after lunch and then ice-cream for dinner.

28 November, Monday

Vomitted in the morning but decided to go to school because I didn't want to leave Liting alone. So F&B Management excursion. His class was tied with ours so we took the same bus.

Throughout the day, I only had a Starbucks muffin from Joelle and tic-tac. It was hell because everything I consumed, I felt like throwing it up.

29 November, Tuesday

I was so depressed in class because he replied my tweet. I mean like how am I supposed to forget you if you still maintain this on and off conversations with me. Then you didn't reply me and I just felt like breaking down in class.

Liting told me not to reply but I didn't listen. Then Fel agreed that it was a dumb move. I'm just so dumb. The rest of the day was filled with despair.

30 November, Wednesday

So this is what it feels like for Year 3 Semester 1. I had to walk alone. So the first and last days of November sucked. But not those in between. It sucks when people say that November sucks. It's like saying your birthday month sucks. Okay overthinking things. I watched Superbad. Danial and his girlfriend visited me at work. Saw Genevieve after 3 weeks.

Today

It's my first time skipping school. I've never taken an MC for this before. It felt so good. I woke up at 6:40am and lazed around, taking my time to eat my noodles. Then I finished watching Whip It.

Went back to bed at around 10am and woke up at 12pm to get my MC. Lunch at Cedele with mom at Parkway Parade. The medicine made me drowsy so I slept for about an hour. Even though I didn't have school, I still had lack of sleep.

I never knew it feels this good to skip school. It feels like a holiday. It feels like a Friday.

- It seems like the Maroon 5 concert we went to was just yesterday.

- You forgot my birthday, I have to maintain my anger towards you. Sad fact, forgetting you is making me depressed every single day. Strangely the urge to talk to you is greater than before. I look for you everywhere. I want to talk to you. I still care. I care when LT told me that you wanted to quit school. I care when you smoke. I care but you don't know.

- I need to get to London. Being in NTUC today made me miss Sainsbury in London. Oxford Street, Hamleys. I miss every single thing.

- I'm not able to cope with school and work. I have been skipping dinner because I don't have time to eat after work. Hence the gastric flu. And I feel so tired.

2011-11-24T22:43:00.006+08:00

Since I'm waiting for my iPod and handphone to charge.

19 November, Saturday

Worked with Amanda and Ying Jiao. They are so fun. Okay my shift and Ying Jiao's shift ended and Amanda was having her break. So we decided to eat at Everything With Fries which is pretty good. I had original seasoning on my string fries.

Washed up before meeting up with Limin. The bus ride to Bishan took forever. Went for fish spa. I love fish spas. They make me laugh and less tense. Hehehe so happy that Limin took me there. Dinner at Prata House at Thomson Road.

Limin's present for me. Can't wait to use it. Actually she gave it to me on my birthday itself but I'll just put it here. But she gave me a picture and a drawing of a fat cat on this day hehe.

It's true that Thomson's like Katong because there's a wide range of food outlets to choose from. We both had fried noodles. Didn't get to try the prata because I was really stuffed. It's such a waste because Thomson's really far from my place so I should have tried it at the very least.

Limin decided to look for April at Thomson's Ice Cream Chefs. I went mad because I poured out all my thoughts onto this humongous chalkboard there and Limin was happily watching. I think I have a higher standard of the quality of ice-cream after working at Marble Slab Creamery.

- Benjamin and his friend came. His friend decided to approach her butch (I guess) friends. So Ben joined Limin and I.

- Ben and his friend went out to smoke.

- Butches decided to scream and freak out over a flying cockroach. They actually ran outside. This is the part where I was pouring out my feelings onto the chalkboard. I think we actually made the butches look bad because we were so calm.

I missed my last bus and I can't believe it. Hougang sucks la. I spent 6 bucks on cab. Hehe thankyew bunny for waiting for my bus and the restsxz.

20 November, Sunday

Worked and got to know Dayana or Dana. She had this eyecandy who's a mall promoter. I thought that he was a typical average scene guy. My eyecandy wasn't there that day. Don't think I'm that close to Han Bin and Terence. After Dana left, her eyecandy and friends decided to get some ice-cream. He talked to me and he's really cute.

Him: Hey can I ask if you extracted any teeth?

Me: Uh yeah.

Him: Did it hurt?

Me: (Stop being annoying by asking so many questions. I just want to scoop ice-cream and wait for time to pass.) No why. (I was obviously kidding because I was too lazy to entertain him by saying that it hurt like hell.)

Him: Oh okay. It hurts eh!
Me: (HE WEARS BRACES! OK TIME TO ENTERTAIN HIM!) Oh you're going to wear braces? How many did you extract?
Him: Yeah, three.
Me: Three?! Only?!
Him: Only?!

Omg he's really cute can I date him out hehex.

21 November, Monday
My first gingerbread cookie. Given by my classmate Joelle who works at Starbucks.

Grouped with kitty again for Food and Beverage Management. Lunch with Nazihah, Andrew, Ben and Liting at QSR. I only remember fetching Sharon from her class and going home. And she said, "He partial." and I was like, "I don't care."

I tell them that I don't care and that he doesn't exist in my life and that I don't know who he is. Okay the last part is true because he has changed. But then again I do care. I've cared about his grades and everything else from the start. He exists in my mind every nanosecond even though I try my best not to let it happen.

22 November, Tuesday

Class was as per normal. Then it was our Macroeconomics Understanding Test. Went to meet Fel for Open House briefing.

Met up with Liting and Jojo for dinner. Sharon and Shuyi joined us for awhile because Shu had dance and Sharon had errands. Okay anyway dinner at Pizza Hut at Plaza Singapura.

Me: Eh that time I sat there.
Kitty: Eh me also!

Kitty: I was with DXE.
Me: *shocked*

Kitty: Omg don't tell me you were with..

Me: Yes I was. That's why this place gives me bad memories. We saw his ex here.

Went to O School at Scape which is really cool because it's like walking into a dance school like those in Step Up. Couldn't find Shu. So we decided to do our Reflection Journals with one dying laptop.

23 November, Wednesday

After school ended, I decided to look for Nadiah and Imran for lunch. But the plan failed because Nadiah had to rush back since her teammates told her to. I went to her class and saw David Chen, as cute as ever with a white formal top. Then Muse and The Killers and some Indie songs were being played on the class speakers. I knew it was his.

It's so gross that most of my friends in Year 2 listen to KPop and it's a whole new story with the Year 1s because they listen to music that I actually listen to. It's so frustrating with all the KPop thing. People don't even know Yellow or Use Somebody.

Came to find out that Han Bin's married. He's only 21. Why is everyone getting married.

Today
Chocolate muffin and glazed donuts from Joelle.

1) I can't be bothered with trying to cheer people up anymore. Not all of them. It's just those who look for me only when they need it. I have my own problems and I don't see me running towards my friends whom I have not talked to for a very long time and depressing them with my problems, which they probably don't care about.

2) I confronted people, took up a job, made myself busy but nothing works. I did all this to get you off my mind. It's not helping. Every passing day, I just feel worse.

Seeing you today. Neither of us acknowledged each other at first, even though we were merely separated by a glass panel. Even though we walked past each other countless of times. Just glances. The fact that you didn't tell me, the fact that you intended to lie to me, the fact that I still miss you. I fear that the feelings will not fade.

You only decided to talk to me to ask what was my highscore for Temple Run. I was mean and said, "Shut up la. Go talk to Liting. I'm concentrating." in a joking manner of course. But I managed to see the doubtful look in your eyes when you looked at Liting and hers too actually.

If you know that I'm mad with your or trying to avoid you, you did the right thing by not acknowledging me. But once you opened you mouth to talk to me, I feel weak. I have this need to talk to you. And when you left, I almost cried. Even though there were other people there.

I felt like you mended my broken heart. Then when you left, you took a valve with you or something. It felt as though it got ripped off when the door closed shut after you. Then I felt my eyes tear up but I had to control because Liting was beside me, and I managed to.

Either you avoid me or stop leaving me hanging. I doubt that you can manage doing the latter so I suggest that you avoid me since you did a really great job this morning xoxo.

3) For goodness sake. It's "Can you lend me." not "Can you borrow me." You read books and you don't even know when to use the right term. What the hell is, "Can you borrow me your face."

4) Me: (You know that I could use somebody.) Eh Myvan sing with me.

Myvan: I don't know the song.

Me: Oh then what songs do you listen to.

Myvan: Korean songs.

5) You've changed. I don't know who you are anymore. I don't know what we are anymore. We don't talk. Your friends are bull and so are you.

6) It's sad to know that people didn't notice that I haven't tweeted for a week. "Oh I didn't notice." "Oh you did?" Stfu yes I'm sad so I decided to lay of Twitter for awhile thanks for noticing. Not that I openly told them that I got off Twitter. They wanted to tweet using my account so I had to stop them.

2011-11-18T20:59:00.009+08:00

13 November, Sunday

I kept sleeping. Dinner at Carousel. I saw my mom making arrangements for the staff to sing me a birthday song. Twice that happened but I waited for quite awhile so I didn't think that there would be a song. I was the 6th person (out of 9 in 2 hours) that they sang to.

I guess I ate lesser than usual because my parents were shocked that I moved on to dessert really quick. Okay I was sick of waiting for people to be done taking their food and I didn't want to queue twice. And the dessert was really good that night.

14 November, Monday

About half of the class skipped class halfway so I joined Liting's team. So happy because my current team isn't very promising. Happy because I just found out that I got my first A for this module which is Food and Beverage Management.

15 November, Tuesday

I got a C for both my Participation and Presentation for Macroeconomics! Haha it's because I was really tired and sleepy. It wasn't much of an ideal new team so I didn't have the mood to contribute.

Went for job training at 112 Katong. 2 annoying full-timers. One is naturally annoying and the other speaks Mandarin to others. Amanda's from Raffles Girls and Genevieve's from Temasek Polytechnic and they seem rather nice. Okay they're probably the two that I'm closest to. Now I think taking up the job is a really bad idea because it's draining me of my energy.

16 November, Wednesday

Had lunch with Gladys and I finally went to ICA to collect my passport. I had to wait for two hours and the guy at the counter made it seem like I only waited for two minutes. Because he was abnormally friendly with me when I was so agitated from all the waiting.

Rushed down to 112 Katong for training again. This time we made lots of ice-cream creations and we got sick of consuming them. But the Strawberry Shortcake one is nice. And the Cookie Dough smoothie.

17 November, Thursday

This Felicia and Liting are funny because the former told me not to go offline so soon and the latter messaged me at midnight asking why I had to go to bed at such an early timing because she wanted to call me.

Limin called to wish me and we talked for an hour! Hahaha okay so I was sent to QSR for service and was in charge of beverages. It was the easiest job there and I already had difficulties with the drinks. Everything was so sticky and so many orders kept coming at once. I later found out that people complained because their drinks spilled in the paperbag. I'm so sorry.

The familiar faces wished me and towards the end of the service, Kaiyi came along with two of his other friends. He actually brought me a slice of cake. I was so happy because I was so tired from service and it felt so great having someone bring a cake over. So he lit the candle and his friends and him sang me a birthday song. Guilty conscience, I gave Melvin a free Coke.

The messages kept pouring in and once I had 9 unread messages because I was really too tired to open them and read them. So after service, I changed and went back to Raffles Hospitality Center (RHC) again to practice for my Rooms Operations Practicum with Ms. Su.

So I was whining to Fel and Gladys, "Can I change to my slippers here?" No. "But I was wearing my slippers here just now and they didn't even see." Not supposed to wear slippers at RHC. Then I looked up and saw Shafique and omg-ed and quickly ran off. Hahaha then he texted me asking why I looked shocked.

Went off to Tampines Mall to meet Jenies for dinner but I was early so I decided to access the wireless hotspot at Tampines One. So both of us went down to Swensens and she said that her boyfriend was joining us. So she said that her boyfriend was already inside so I was actually looking for him.

Then I saw this girl who looked like Limin, with a similar cardigan and a slice of cake with a lighted candle on the table. But I was still looking for Jenies's boyfriend because I really didn't think that girl was Limin. Because 1) She said that she had errands to run. 2) What would someone from Sembawang be doing in Tampines!

SO SWEET OF HER TO GO THERE RIGHT. I TEARED. Joyce came later! Hehehe I love them. Then Karthik wished me at 11:59pm because he wanted to be the last one to wish me. I was actually waiting for his call because I thought that he would be the first too so I thought he forgot but he didn't! But so far, I can only think of two friends who didn't wish me. Three. Which is sad. Okay the fact that K didn't wish me completely ruined me. Everything started to hurt.

Today

ROP Understanding Test! I screwed up my check out process because I can't believe that Miss Lim gave me such a hard scenario. Like the seven other classmates who went before me told me that Miss Lim complained about a particular scenario. Then when it came to my turn, she changed it completely.

I was so angry with myself that I was so angry with those around me. I started to cool down during lunch time because kitty and the rest comforted me. Went back for the check in process and I think that it was so much better than the check out one.

1) I don't quite bother telling people about K anymore unless they ask. Sometimes I'll just tell them that he doesn't exist in my life anymore but the problem is that ever since I've tried to forget him, he seems to be the only one on my mind all the time.

It hurts that he doesn't bother to acknowledge me when he sees me. Even so, he will ask about someone else. It hurts that I myself can't acknowledge him when I see him.

One of the few reasons that I have decided not to spill my problems out to them is because when I do, all I ever get is, "He is a douchebag. Just ignore him." No that doesn't help. But thank you. I really am trying to ignore him but I miss him too much to do so. I have been glancing at him. I miss the structure of his face. I miss the way he walks. I have to act as though I'm over him so I'm unable to let my friends see that I'm looking at him and it pains me.

And saying that he is a douchebag doesn't really help. It doesn't resolve anything. It's just a figure of speech that people use.

2) I am so upset because it seems that my taking up a job doesn't help me to forget about him. It worsens my grades. Now I'm so upset about my grades. It's like I have never been this tired. I never fail to sleep on the bus for both journeys to and from school.

3) The worse part is a combination of both problems. I'm so busy with work and school that I don't have time alone. So sometimes I will feel the sadness when I'm with my friends or basically in public. Like today, I was controlling my tears. I can't stop this feeling. And I feel so helpless because I'll just feel sad at any point of time.

4) I'm afraid to tweet this but here it goes. You've changed and you're not the guy I fell for anymore. The exterior may seem intact but you're so distant now. I miss you. Please come back. Please talk to me.

2011-11-12T12:53:00.010+08:00

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed
2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? No but my parents do.
3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? In
4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No because it's useless
5: Do you like to use post-it notes? Sometimes
6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I'll use them if they're worth using
7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Big bear! They are so soft and cuddly.
8: Do you have freckles? Nope
9: Do you always smile for pictures? Yes unless it's candid or funny takes.
10: What is your biggest pet peeve? I have many. Maybe bad grammar and the fact that I can't correct them because it might be rude and annoying.
11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Sometimes on stairs so that the torturous climbing doesn't seem so long.
12: Have you ever peed in the woods? No but bushes yes
13: What about pooped in the woods? No
14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yes because I'll be singing to myself.
15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Used to
16: How many people have you slept with this week? Georgie is the only one I sleep with every night.
17: What size is your bed? Single
18: What is your Song of the week? Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? If they can pull it off. OH THIS IS ONE OF MY PET PEEVES. I only find like 1 or 2 guys okay in pink. Other than that, I hate guys who wear pink.
20: Do you still watch cartoons? Yes omg I totes luff Phinease and Ferrb and Ch0ewder and sumthymes Fairly Oddparenttsz.
21: Whats your least favorite movie? Bee Movie. I fell asleep. I hate cartoon movies.
22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? No I am not a pirate.
23: What do you drink with dinner? Sometimes I forget. Usually water.
24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Garlic chilli sauce.
25: What is your favorite food? Roast chicken, kangkong, salmon
26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? 500 Days of Summer.
27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? No one
28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? No
29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No
30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? I don't know. I don't think I ever did.
31: Can you change the oil on a car? Don't think I can change oil. But pumping it in seems easy.
32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No
33: Ever ran out of gas? No
34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Egg sandwich! Omg my favourite.
35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Cheese omelette. Must have it at least once a week.
36: What is your usual bedtime? 2am
37: Are you lazy? Yes I control my pee because the toilet is far from the living room.
38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Myself
39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Rooster
40: How many languages can you speak? 2 (English and Malay). I know some Korean, French and Mandarin though!
41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? I don't have subscriptions. I have issues.
42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos
43: Are you stubborn? Yes
44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Neither. I want DeGeneres.
45: Ever watch soap operas? Yes
46: Are you afraid of heights? Very
47: Do you sing in the car? Yes
48: Do you sing in the shower? Recently started and then it died down.
49: Do you dance in the car? I don't think so
50: Ever used a gun? No
51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Does Paris Disneyland count. The one with Winnie the Pooh
52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? No they are sexy
53: Is Christmas stressful? No but it's lonely
54: Ever eat a pierogi? Nay hozay
55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple
56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Doctor
57: Do you believe in ghosts? Yes
58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Lots of times
59: Take a vitamin daily? No
60: Wear slippers? Yes
61: Wear a bath robe? I used to when I was a kid. Ok not now.
62: What do you wear to bed? Pajamas.
63: First concert? Paramore with Azra and her sister, Alea
64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Sainsbury in London
65: Nike or Adidas? Nike
66: Cheetos Or Fritos? What laksa la
67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? BOTH
68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nay Ocean Bay
69: Ever take dance lessons? No
70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Eh no
71: Can you curl your tongue? T0tes
72: Ever won a spelling bee? Never participated in one.
73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes
74: Own any record albums? No
75: Own a record player? No
76: Regularly burn incense? No
77: Ever been in love? Yes or so I thought
78: Who would you like to see in concert? I'm not sure
79: What was the last concert you saw? Maroon 5 with Kwan Wei and Kai Yi. That's all no one else. Ok and Khairil.
80: Hot tea or cold tea? Hot tea
81: Tea or coffee? Teabby
82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sugar
83: Can you swim well? NO I AM A GIRAFFE IN WATER
84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes
85: Are you patient? No I get so pissed off when I have to wait for food or people or a queue
86: DJ or band, at a wedding? Band
87: Ever won a contest? Yes in drawing
88: Ever have plastic surgery? No
89: Which are better black or green olives? Netiher
90: Can you knit or crochet? No
91: Best room for a fireplace? Fireplace room
92: Do you want to get married? Yes
93: If married, how long have you been married?
94: Who was your HS crush? Chang Wei Liang
95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? I used to
96: Do you have kids? No
97: Do you want kids? Yes
98: Whats your favorite color? Green
99: Do you miss anyone right now? I miss MKS la basket he never leaves my mind.

8 November, Tuesday

Oh it was a terrible day. Because of the smoking thing whereby K asked my friend to lie to me that they went smoking.

I cried when I went up to find Amelya. So sweet of Iggy and Benjamin to care too. Quite shocked by the latter though hahaha.

Went to Seoul Garden with Liting. It was an impromptu decision we made while going through the list of possible choices for dinner. Oh the last two pictures is when Liting put the fishball into the eggshell. It does look real though! Then did our Reflection Journal at Woodlands library.

9 November, Wednesday

Hospitality Information Systems Understanding Test. I thought we would have an hour but we only had half an hour. Went home with Gladys Tan.

10 November, Thursday

Service Understanding Test was a killer! Okay so Mr Gewi helped me throughout the whole station. I didn't do the captain's order properly, placed cutlery on the opposite side even after he said, "Eh looks wrong ah." and asked him where was the Ice Lemon Tea on the POS. I forgot what happened but once, I said, "Oh never say so!" jokingly but he replied, "Oh talking back now ah!" I hope I don't get downgraded for that.

Subway with Andrew, Benjamin, Nazihah and Liting. The smoking thing happened again. Kwan Wei was there. April joined us later but Nazihah and I had to go get ready for our test. And Liting's friend was there too and he is very cute. So tempted to run my fingers through his hair.

Sharon and Liting had Marble Slab ice-cream but I had a dental appointment which is so unfair. My braces colour combination sucks. Oh and I saw K in school.

11 November, Friday

This sucks because I saw K at the interchange. For all the times I saw him, he didn't see me. Nats is the funniest person on Earth. Eh she sucks la. Haha. There's this poster in school and it states that the student received a Lee Kuan Yew award in big bolded letters. So Liting thought the person's name was Lee Kuan Yew.

After telling Nats that story, a week later, which was this day, she asked if that person's name was really Lee Kwan Yew when she saw the poster. Had lunch at Lawn.

I had to buy pad. Okay so after class, met up with the qwerty girls and Gladys went home while the rest of us went to Cineleisure to watch One Day. I liked it but the rest didn't. Walked around Cineleisure. And this part is not awesome because I saw K again. Like what the hell. I'm still angry with him. So I left the shop. He didn't see me.

I owe Sharon an explanation for my past and recent reactions upon seeing K. Which is getting all jumpy and running away. I hid in the toilet like a hobo. Got stopped at the entrance to do surveys and saw Liting's cute friend again.

Sharon went off, Shu sent Liting and I off to Topshop and left too. Walked around, headed to Plaza Singapura for Liting's Gong Cha. She found out that she lost her wallet so we went back to Cineleisure but they didn't have it there. So we slacked there for about an hour.

Today

5:10pm- I just smiled to myself a few minutes ago. Because I was looking at pictures of us together. Then I realized that I can never make you feel how that other girl makes you feel or smile.

The reason I've been running away and avoiding you. I was hurt that you lied to me. It hurt that I cared too much about you. Now it hurts when you're not here. When I have to restrain from acknowledging or texting you.

If I stay away, it will hurt because you're not there. On the other hand, if I decide not to let go, I will still be hurt because you like someone else. I don't know which choice to make.

2011-11-10T20:14:00.004+08:00

Mr Julian should stick his head inside the toilet bowl. Even my chef grades weren't that bad. I had straight Bs and you're giving me shit grades. You basket la give me C for saying that I was subdued in class. OH WAIT. Very subdued in class.

1) You talk about sex jokes like as if you're as young as us. No, it is very creepy.

2) You never ever look at how much effort I put in to get the grade that I want in class.

3) I can't believe that you are married.

4) You: My friends and I go clubbing to look at girls.

Class: Hahaha.

Me: Um, ew? Plus you have friends?

5) YOU ARE A NEWBIE! HOW DARE YOU SET SUCH HIGH STANDARDS! Limin's facilitator is so much better than you even though he is a newbie too! AND YOU BELITTLED HIM IN FRONT OF US! You were like, "He and I will discuss this issue about Food and Beverage Management later."

I'm like, "Er what are you, a geek? People don't talk about work after they have ended work you douche." I pity the other facilitator.

6) You look and act like a bloody pedophile.

You will rue the day you piece of faggot. Go look at G's boobs and get fired.

Edit: 8:55pm

So this is turning out to be one of the worst nights ever.

1) The stupid grade that the fucker gave me.

2) Fought with my mom. She freaking saw me unpacking her bag in front of her eyes. An hour later, she shouted and scolded me for messing it up. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO.

3) My dad didn't want to get me the Prada wallet. I didn't want it anyway. So I wanted the Fossil clutch. Well thanks because that fucking thing isn't in stock anymore. Thank you very much for ruining my life. I wanted it so badly.

This has been the worst month in my entire life. I am not even joking. It's only the tenth day of November.

1) My friends are judgemental. Everytime it's brought up, I just clench my fists and teeth so freaking tightly so as not to display any sense of anger. You are a lucky friend you bitch.

2) People disappoint me. It has been almost a month since the incident happened. When I found out that you smoked.

The days got worst.

- You offered my friend a cigarette. Who the fuck does that.

- The fact that my friend will wait for a few days before telling me that she did smoke.

- The fact that you asked her along to smoke even though you already had a friend with you.

- You still offered her a cigarette even after my message. "I can't believe you of all people gave her the cigarette." IT WASN'T OBVIOUS ENOUGH? "You of all people" means I can't believe such a friend would drag his friend into the mess he's in.

- You asked her to lie to me. This point pisses me off so much.

- You and your friends still get her to smoke.

- I don't know. I doubt that she'll tell me she smokes again after seeing that I got mad at her previously. Which leads to the point where they're afraid to tell me. I got mad because I cared okay.

- One of your friends hinted to her to smoke and she was all like she can't because I was there and then discreetly pointed to my direction. I saw everything.

3) It feels like I'm crying every fucking day. A few hours ago about my grades. Previously because of the whole nicotine crap.

2011-11-07T23:07:00.005+08:00

Okay one thing first, I dislike Selena Gomez and I still can't believe she's hosting the MTV Europe Music Awards. Her voice is terrible and so is her voice. She should host the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards instead.

6 November, Sunday

I wanted to sleep in so badly. I was just so tired but I had to wake up for Hari Raya Haji. Took 2 hours just to leave the house. Really angry with Raiyan and Danial for not being present. Didn't even bother to visit their grandfather. I don't think they even visited him when he was admitted to the hospital. He's so frail now.

Stayed for about an hour and a half there and went off to Pizza Hut at Tampines Mall to find Becks, Limin and Liz. I had Gong Cha before that. Went off to Starbucks for gossiping session.

I thought I missed all my last buses but I didn't so I had to cross over to get to some bus stop. I panicked because I thought I missed the last bus there too. So turns out that I took from the wrong bus stop again. Slept like a cat when I got back to my cousin's house. My phone always dies when I'm staying over that their house.

Today

Had to wake up at 9am just for bowling! I agreed to it the day before but was regretting it in the morning when all I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep. Went to Ehub and I suck at bowling.

Had lunch there and went off to Far East Plaza to get Atu's prom stuff. It seemed to take forever, I think about 2 hours just for 2 items. I'm not complaining but oh alright I am.

Slacked at Macdonalds at Shaw House. Had Cheese as well as Hot and Spicy Shaker Fries. I think I'm addicted to the latter because it's my third time having it. Went shopping then. Saw so many people in town.

- The somewhat cute guy with braces who used to be in my Financial Accounting class. @ Macdonalds.

- K's eyecandy @ F21

Me: Is that girl pretty?
Cousins: Yes.

Me: Thank you.

Cousins: Sorry but she really is pretty.

Me: Sorry to say this but you guys once called her a slut.

Cousins: Oh she's the girl who wore the sheer top, showing off her bra?!?!

Aha losers. And she was shopping alone. K said that I was weird for shopping alone. Well look at whose eyecandy just shopped alone and she took the big bag which was only 1% full. She was also deciding between a purple and grey hoodie. Oh ok. They were ugly.

- Shaf's classmate @ F21. She is more attractive in pictures.

- Atin: Cute guy cute guy cute guy.

Me: Oh that's Ernest, my secondary school schoolmate.

@ Orchard Ion. I took one glance at first but then I was so shocked by how hot he turned out to be. So I had to take a second glance. He grew taller I think. And his features are sharper than they were before.

I can't believe I spent more than $140. But I'm quite happy with the shorts, which was the most expensive of the three items.

- Starving myself in school last month and spending all the money I saved is so worth it.

- Spending all that money made me feel so good about all the recent problems.

Danial's girlfriend is here now. Oh they left. I think I ruined her first impression of me. I was such a stuck up. I waved and continued to use my laptop. In my defense I am tired, hungry, busy with Tumblr, couldn't see her face, she didn't bother to talk to me either and I'm still a little mad that she stole Danial from me.

2011-11-05T23:46:00.009+08:00

Today was great. Let me start from the ending. I saw Brandon and his girlfriend. They are one of the rare power couples known to exist.

Power Couple
	a couple who radiates positive energy and causes all others to be jealous. the couple consists of two people who are incredibly fit and have jaw dropping good looks. they usually are admired by all but criticized due to other's extreme jealousy. The male is obviously tall, dark, studly, spartan like, and very VERY handsome. The female is obviously very fit, and pleasurable to the eye.

Me: (Omg it's Brandon. He is so hot. Okay look for his girlfriend. She's there too!)

(after Brandon and his friends have passed)

Me: *looks back* Omg Brandon....

Shu: Omg you know him?!

(I thought she asked because he was hot and she wanted to know about him)

Me: Yeah why!!

Shu: BRANDON, YOU KNOW BRANDON?

Me: OMG HOW YOU KNOW BRANDON!!!!!

Shu: You know him personally?!

Me: No! I stalk him! You know him personally?!

Shu: No! I also stalk him!

Then we also talked about his girlfriend. We totally just shouted and fan-girled from Somerset to Scape. Okay after buying our Gong Cha, we headed on to Macdonalds. We played Connect 4 with one another for like 2 hours. People go to Scape to have people think that they are scene and we go there to be geeks.

The next thing is that, after that, I saw Phylicia. I have had this (I wouldn't say lesbian crush) idolization for her since I was in lower secondary. We saw other School of Hospitality students in town too but that's not the point. I saw this girl with such a pretty and unique dress. Then I was like, "Oh. Her dress so pretty." Until I eyed her from her shoes to the back of her neck. THE TATTOO. I HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE. So I shifted my gaze to her face and it was her. I saw the girl who I found flawless since secondary school because she could really pull off the braces look so damn well.

Okay now I can start from the beginning. I slept while chatting with Limin at 2am. Danial was really sweet to bring my pillow, bolster and quilt out for me, knowing that I was falling asleep on the sofa. He tucked me in too. Okay and I had to wake up at 8am to do my Reflection Journal. Then slept from 11:30pm to 2:30pm. So I was rushing and really cranky since I had lack of sleep and I hate to rush and I was hungry so I told Danial off. Which is really mean since he was nice to me last night.

Met up with Shuyi and Liting at Marina Bay. We wanted to reach earlier to surprise Sharon but she totally had to arrive the same time as us. She stood 3 feet away from where we were standing and only recognized us after we looked at her which was 5 minutes later. Besides the surprise failing, we also failed with the present. Her boyfriend gave her a handbag as a present for her. And we got one for her too!

Had fun eating, playing Monopoly Deal and taking pictures. I didn't have fun flying the kite because I caused it to drop hence making me a failure. Went off at about 8:30pm to Scape.

I am still tired x. I would be lying if I said that you weren't on my mind the whole day. I also realized that we were both in the same area.

RANTS

Scape is such a territorial place to many and it feels like I am supposed to be intimidated by those who are inhaling nicotine into their lungs and have this group of friends. Try getting them to walk around Paragon for a change. Excuse me but your Fred Perry stuff aren't as great as compared to Burberry.

I am so sick of people thinking that smoking is just so cool that they have to announce it on social networks and ignoring the fact that it kills. It just frustrates me. They may think that it gives them this cool factor if they smoke. It actually is but only to some people. These people who smoke for the wrong reasons really disgust me.

2011-11-05T01:32:00.003+08:00

30 October, Sunday

I really hate people who start a conversation with me and then let the conversation die off. I think my cousin Wei Wei started staying at my house.

31 October, Monday

Macroeconomics and my team won some quiz thing. It's because I cheated actually but we got free Cheezels. Went home with my classmates, Faiz, Wei Loon, Michelle, Ada and Farah. Faiz was mean because he asked, "Why didn't you go home with your friends?".

1 November, Tuesday

Called Karthik to wish him! I think I'm supposed to get a pair of Supras for him and he will get a pair of Doc Martens for me. But mine is out of stock so I have to think of something else. Actually I wished him the day before in real life. Haven't seen him for a very long time.

Since Iggy asked why I didn't go home with him the day before, I decided to walk to the interchange with him. I summarized the story of my life to him.

Actually I ignored K because I was still mad over the fact that he let our Whatsapp conversation die off. I mean you cared when you thought I got angry and then you didn't anymore. So I decided to ignore him that day. But it wasn't the sole reason as to why I chose to ignore him. I had this strange feeling like I had to.

When I was at the airport sending my mom off to Paris, Liting told me that K likes some girl. I wanted to cry at the airport but I couldn't. Thank you Shafique for comforting me.

2 November, Wednesday

Some friends are really ignorant. So I want to thank Gladys and Shafique for actually bothering to comfort me. I don't want people to ignore the fact that I'm broken, thinking that it will make me forget. It doesn't work that way. I think too much and I need people to help me sort out my thoughts.

3 November, Thursday

Khairil had to call me in the morning when he saw me at the interchange. I don't get why he couldn't ignore me like how I ignored him. Actually I nagged at him for partialling and skipping classes. I shouldn't care.

It was a tiring ROP day.

4 November, Friday

Saw Khairil in the morning again! Took the same bus and I was dreading just being on that bus. His stupid laptop spoiled so we had to go collect it.

School was as annoying as ever. Benjamin claimed that Liting was my only friend. I feel like a complete loser now because I guess I'm going to be one in Semester 1 next year. All my friends are having their internship in Semester 1 so I'll be eating alone. It makes me sad just thinking about it.

Dinner with Gladys and Liting at my house. Then Liting and I baked for Sharon's birthday celebration tomorrow. I am really tired x.

2011-10-29T12:27:00.005+08:00

27 October, Thursday

Probably the best Rooms Operations Practicum lesson ever! We were supposed to learn about all the different cultural attractions in Singapore. We had lunch at Sakunthala's which is really bad, maybe because Nats and I chose some vegetarian dish. Samuel and Jason's ones looked so good.

We were cool kids who conquered the backseat. From left to right. Liting, Ms Lim, Jason, Samuel (below), Nats and some hobo. Ms Lim is really pretty with her hair permed and let down. She even said that I had good colour coordination.

This is the cat that Nats drew for me. It's paws actually look like boobs. And a typical shot of a flyer that everyone has to take, thinking that it will suddenly roll off one day.

This is Andrew. He thinks that I smoke. And funniest thing happened at Sakunthala's! Benjamin gave us girls a dollar. It was $5 for 2 pieces. Then everyone was referring it as sugar coated balls. Hahaha okay like that isn't funny enough.

THE WHOLE TRIP WAS EXTREMELY TIRING. I WAS FREAKING DEHYDRATED AND WAS FORCED TO DRINK WATER. I HATE WATER. So Liting and I got Marble Slab ice-cream at Iluma. They have a few new flavours. Apple and Peanut Butter and Banana, a combination of both. Which is funny because about a week ago, I was hoping that they would have apple flavour and now they do. I was so happy.

Okay and I tried ice-cream milk tea at Koi too. It's so normal. Okay then slacked. And we both decided to wear checkered shirts. But the Threadless bag was not planned. I want a new one.

2011-10-28T21:08:00.004+08:00

That's the problem. I feel so weak. It's hard for me to get up. I feel sleepy because I'm scared. Everything hurts twice as much when I'm just about to sleep because I think way too much.

I miss Karthik and many others. I just wish to see all of my friends. Thank you Shafique. I waited 6 months to tell Liting everything. And now you made me pour everything out to you.

(refer to private blog)

2011-10-26T14:48:00.003+08:00

So these couple of days have been hard but I think I managed to pull through. I felt like I was being pulled down, every thought in my head was a negative one.

25 October, Tuesday

Restaurant Practicum was a killer because we had to answer calls and make reservations for one another. The callers were such douchebags that it got so hard trying to stay calm while making their reservations.

But it's okay because it was my turn to be the caller and the receiver was Jeremy.

1) I said that I wanted halal pork jerky, also known as bak kwa.

2) My name was Salmonskinroll.

3) I wanted a rabbit fur carpet.

HEHEHE. Okay anyway waited for Joreen and Gladys. Yay then Marble Slab with Joreen and Liting. Joreen and I shared Cheesecake and Cottoncandy. She wanted Tiramisu but there was liquor. Which means that the rest of the ice-cream is not halal actually. I am a sinner and I am definitely not proud of it.

Liting went to work and then I followed Joreen to pierce her tragus. It was an impromptu decision. Went to buy groceries and cooked dinner at her house! So fun. But then I almost fell asleep there so I guess it was time to go.

Today

Really can't wait for the Rooms Operations Practicum outing tomorrow. Liting and I are going to wear checkered shirts. And me, Liting, Nats and Jumaat are going to get Macdonalds breakfast before that. But we'll be in different teams.

Made a list of what I want from Spain, since my parents don't allow me to go there due to the high crime rate. I added a lot of nonsense in this list because I wanted to get back at them but I guess it's a waste of money doing that. So I canceled the Prada wallet and Dr Dre headphones off the list.

They said that I get to go to overseas again next year. But I didn't tell them that the new schedule just isn't suitable for me to go on any trips at all.

2011-10-24T21:24:00.003+08:00

☁

- I sort of argued with my friend today. (I can't say for sure that your tweet is referring to me but, seriously.)

- Found out that the guy I used to have a slight crush on will never like me anyway.

- So I think I should give up on K because it's hard to tell. My feelings for him gushed back because LT made it sound as though I had some kind of hope left. That his tweets were meant for me. I don't know anymore. Your tweets don't seem like it's for me anymore. I just don't want to be disappointed again. I love you but it doesn't mean that I have to put my heart on this threadlike line. I won't stop myself from feeling how I usually do when I see you, your smile. But I can't wait for something like this.

Anyway what makes me think that K will like me after almost 2 years of friendship. He doesn't tell me his secrets either. Maybe because he thinks that I'm not worth knowing. Although I care.

- Broke I'm always broke.

- (refer to private blog)

- I'm losing touch with my best friend, my brother. Danial is always with his girlfriend. I have nothing against her because she's pretty and funny. But he used to be the one I told stuff to. Now I don't have him around to give me such advice. I miss him.

☼

- Improvement.

My bad points outweigh the good one by a whole lot. I just want to be happy.

2011-10-22T15:15:00.007+08:00

Don't treat her wrong if she's doing everything to make things right

19 October, Wednesday

After Hospitality Information Systems module, I went for lunch with Nadiah and Imran. I saw him but ignored him, although I felt his gaze baring down my back. Either that or I was over-thinking things because of my poor eyesight. But I saw his head angling towards my direction.

Followed Imran and his friend, actually a year 2 guy, Joel to One Stop Center because Joel lost his handphone. Liting met me there and we both went to Civic Center for karaoke. She scared me on the way there because she toppled down the stairs! I was scared that she'd sprained her ankle. Okay everything was fine. Sang for 3 hours. Hahaha first time singing with her!

20 October, Thursday

It was one of those bad days where nothing went smoothly. It was actually one of the worst days. Anyway I saw him and I decided not to ignore him.

Haven't been taking pictures because I guess my friends don't take pictures that often. So I have no pictures to post up.

21 October, Friday

Had break time with Amelya. Class was just terrible because I just couldn't cooperate with my team members. I mean I contribute something and they choose not to put it down. My facilitator says that it's good, they still choose not to put it down.

I didn't know Liting couldn't stand our classes either! I really thought it was just me suffering in there. It's really bad. I just don't feel happy.

Walked to the interchange with Shuyi and walked around first before I met up with Gladys and Liting. Had dinner at KFC and then Kaiyi joined us at the cinema! We got the free huge bag of salted popcorn and another two small popcorn paperbags and one was filled with sweet popcorn and the other was empty. I thought that Gladys was going to refill the empty one with sweet popcorn but she made Alex (our friend at the counter) refill it with salted popcorn, then she refilled the bigger bag with that popcorn. OMG WE DIDN'T EVEN FINISH THE POPCORN IN THE END.

We watched The Thing. IT WAS HORRIBLE. But I had fun with Kaiyi, Gladys and Liting! Oh and most of my friends are having their internship in Semester 1 but I'm in Semester 2. And I only know 3 friends who are in Semester 2! I felt miserable just thinking about it. Having no friends when I'm schooling in Semester 1. Having people I cannot work with and even people who other people having been ranting about. I have learnt to deal with this by waddling in my pool of sorrow.

Today

I shall make a wishlist.

- Fossil clutch bag.

- Prada wallet. (I didn't want it initially! But my classmate has it and I got reminded of how much I want it.

- I've always wanted Prada creepers. But it's like a thousand dollars. I also wanted Jimmy Choo sneakers. And the pink brogue wingtip from Doc Martens. Now I find Supras cool and I want them.

And Karth found out that I put make-up. Hahaha putting on make-up is compulsory for most of my modules anyway! I guess I do feel a sense of satisfaction ever since I've started Year 2 Semester 2.

- I got praised twice for how I put the blusher on! Hehehe Ms. Su even said that Nats's blusher was good. It's because I helped her put it on!

- Wearing heels four days in a row!

- Learning about my new eyecandy. His name is David. So the initials of his first and last name is DC. And he's in the Diploma in Customer Relationship and Service Management course, also known as DCRSM or in short, DC. SO DC IS IN DC! I AM TOO FUNNY! He drums and his taste in music is so good.

- I think I miss him too much. Way too much. This always happens. I want to go out with him again.

2011-10-20T21:57:00.004+08:00

Seriously coming home from a bad day and things just get worse. I mean like seriously, I have straight Bs all the way. I mean okay I didn't get Cs. But what's up with facilitators wanting me to speak up. Fine la I'll speak up and be talkative. The worst part is that I wanted to write something for my Reflection Journal but I didn't because Liting only wrote it in general, so I did too. It's just week 2 so hopefully I won't repeat the same mistake.

I don't know why but I'm extremely sad now. Sad about everything. I want to cry. I am so stressed about so many things. So many things going on in my mind right now.

- I do not like people who private their tweets.

- I am broke.

- People drift.

- I don't know, I don't mean much to you. Your Twitter page made me sadder than ever.

- They still text, I didn't even know that. (This relates to the previous point)

- People who spam Twitter. I just want to unfollow them.

- Gastric flu.

- People are judgmental.

- Maybe if I keep quiet, it would benefit people.

- It appears that people think that smokers are a turn on. Not for me. (Okay yes, but not someone I care for.)

- So when I said that I didn't fancy smokers, my juniors said that there was a generation gap and I felt so old.

- People who don't get basic English. My English sucks too. But I really can't stand people who have punctuation errors and bad grammar.

- I got told off today for not being ready for lessons because break time was over.

- I have this pet peeve for people who speak Mandarin around me.

- I don't know what to wear for tomorrow.

- I'm not even sure if I should sell my phone to my friend.

The worst ever.

- Liting texted me to say that my Internship Program isn't the same as hers, Gladys and Sharon.

I seemed so much happier in Paris and London. The people in London read books on trains. The Asians have sharp noses and a British accent. People were nice. Everything just seemed to fit me so well, instead of me having to fit here and having a hard time.

2011-10-19T20:59:00.002+08:00

I THINK IT'S UNFAIR THAT PEOPLE HAVE GOOD FACILITATORS WHO EASILY GIVE THEM GOOD GRADES. Mine are all Cs Cs Cs, Bs Bs Bs. So shut up if you have this facilitator or that facilitator. Another reason why Republic Polytechnic isn't a fair school. It's because the student's grades depends on the facilitators. And so does our future. SO THANK YOU FOR BOASTING ABOUT WHICH FACILITATORS YOU HAVE BASTARDS.

2011-10-18T18:51:00.003+08:00

I am angry because my facilitator said that I need a higher level of participation when I am one of those who contribute answers. And my facilitator also said that I need to be more outspoken in class. Okay honestly I do not like it when facilitators say this. When we are outspoken, they think that we are too noisy and downgrade us. When we are not outspoken, they downgrade us. Okay I'll be more outspoken and we'll see.

GnitilL Liting

Watched "Real Steel" with @SherinaTan @ShuyiLaughs@muffin_cheer ^^ hehehe nice movie.

20 hours ago

GnitilL Liting

Finally a full house with qwerties just now ^^ @SherinaTan@alphonsines @ShAroNSleepY @ShuyiLaughs We finally had marbleslab together! <3

20 hours ago

17 October, Monday

I don't get why my facilitator thinks that WL is the outgoing one in class and everyone likes him. He craps through his conversations and chips in crap so I don't get it. And I can't stand this girl because she keeps asking questions.

Told Liting who I liked and I expected her to have more questions though. Had Marble Slab ice-cream with qwerty. A full one finally. I tried Cotton Candy flavour and it was so good. Somehow thinking if I can cope with school and studies.

Kaiyi joined us there and slacked for awhile. So me, Shuyi, Liting and Kaiyi watched Real Steel. It's a great movie. And Liting got this huge bag of popcorn since she's a staff there.

Shuyi went home while the rest of us went to Starbucks to do our homework. Then Kaiyi left halfway too. So kitty and I stayed until the shop closed.

Today

SERVICE IS VERY TIRING. Jack's Place for lunch. We took Benjamin's car back to school! Had difficulty carrying the glasses on the tray. Kind of thought that my previous classmates like Samuel and Jason would be at the chef side but they aren't. I miss their jokes.

I kept staring at MK because he doesn't look as cute as before. Then he caught me staring. Okay sorry. Gossiped with Khairil and Kitty because we are annoying.

Supposed to be angry and not entertain someone but I was too caught up in the moment! Okay and the familiar scent c:

2011-10-16T09:58:00.012+08:00

14 October, Friday

Finally got to meet Amelya for lunch! We had yogurt! Hehehe. Forgot how pretty she is please!

It was a terrible day in class. Although my team chose my idea, they didn't help me with the content. I felt so hated and neglected. And when I said bye twice, no one replied. I'm so sad. Maybe because I said it softly because when I was sitting outside, some classmates who came out said bye to me. YAY WIN.

Sat down with Kaiyi, Gladys and Aloysius. Aloysius laughed at me when I told him that my classmates didn't say bye to me! So some mix up about the plans because like 4 people from Khairil's clique was joining us. Although I know them, it's kind of awkward. So the rest decided not to join because East Coast Park was too far.

Okay walked to the interchange with Gladys and got ready at home. I had to wait for Khairil to reach the bus stop near my house because he always takes forever! Once I ended up lying on the floor, staring at the night sky. Okay I was at home.

The awkward moment when I was walking to the bus stop to meet Khairil and I saw my secondary schoolmates, Mathew and Benedict. It was a narrow route and it was so awkward!

So turns out that he has eaten. So I lied saying that I too have eaten. Technically it wasn't a lie because I ate 3 biscuits and wasn't hungry. (Still don't get why he ate a proper meal when we were supposed to have dinner together.) Okay so as usual, we always get lost. So we had to cross over these bushes and walk near the highway. We even walked down a dark stairway leading to nowhere because we thought it was the underpass. It was all just scary.

Bought BBQ chicken and sugarcane juice! I finished my drink while he was buying the chicken wings though. Slacked somewhere okay then go home cry.

<3 Limin for letting me call and sms her :( I think I would have cried on the spot if it weren't for her. Oh and we will get ice-cream.

15 October, Saturday

Interview at Iluma! I HATE BUGIS LA SERIOUSLY. Because of a bad memory and it's so crowded there! This is why I hate going to Bugis. So I got the job.

I felt so numb that I waited in the rain for my parents to come. I mean it was only a slightly heavy drizzle. But I waited for about half an hour and didn't bother to move because I didn't have a reason to get up. That's how troubled I am.

Went to the chalet and Atu told me about what happened at her graduation ceremony and she told me that she cried. I love her and I hate the guy for walking past her as though they were never together at all. I've watched her grow up with me. He was her first boyfriend. I feel her pain. So I told her my story, and that I cried too. We're both in misery. I even cried while telling her.

Games at the chalet but neither of us played. But I was happy that I saw a green Lamborghini on the way to the chalet and I got a goodie bag too. Maybe happier about the latter. Went to the hospital with Huda's family as well as Atin and Atu.

His leg was flabby. It has been 11 days since he was last admitted there. I hate the hospital for doing this. The hard bed, the lack of privacy, the fact that there's no sign of entertainment at all. I love you, please be safe. As usual, teared a little every time I'm there or when I'm strong enough, I tear after I leave the ward.

Atin, Atu and I were on the train heading to Pasir Ris to go to their house for homemade Mee Soto! But I made an impromptu decision to go to Bishan for Marble Slab ice-cream! We had dinner at Macdonalds first. Basket they gave me $1 coke instead of the usual normal coke but I was too tired to demand for the right cup size. Atin asked, "I thought you didn't like him anymore?" I replied, "No I care so it means that I still like him."

I tried French Toast flavoured ice-cream! It was quite good. And we all took Peanut Butter! Parted ways and I wanted to walk around Junction 8 like a loser but it was all too much.

xoxuer J☮ey ジョーイ ☺

It's hard to be positive when everything happening is negative.

29 seconds ago

They emptied our minds and filled it with fear.

Okay here it goes. The feelings have definitely returned. I care too much. I almost cried in front of you. I was angry. They were tears of anger. I was angry because I cared. I care too much for you sometimes. I shouldn't have done what I did. It all happened too fast and you didn't know.

For the past two days, all I thought about was you. If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't have told me. You never do tell me anything. I didn't want to force you to explain to me, but I couldn't help it. I know you hate it when I ask you lots of questions. I needed to know. You still didn't want to tell me. Which made me sad because I know you have best friends and I guess they are better off knowing why, rather than me. Just some stupid friend that you met 2 years ago.

Fuck it, I was never important to you. I never was and I fucking never will be.

Fix You by Coldplay has been the song for you. I have been contemplating if I should tweet the lyrics, but I'm scared of how you will react. I'm just so scared. It's clearly for you and we both know that.

Now the feelings are back and I don't even know who you like. Maybe it happened because of the person that you like. And now I'm just torn between leaving for good or staying. I care too much and now it's hurting.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Songfacts: This song deals with true love, helping someone in your time of need, and learning from your mistakes.

2011-10-15T23:43:00.002+08:00

ReeneeMaleeq Reenee Maleeq

Coldplay - Fix You

chargedchivalry Mohamed Shafique

I'm letting it go, I know that I'm caught right in the middle of this halfway love.

amyzxc Amy N 

RT @XSTROLOGY: If a #Scorpio says you look good, they mean it. They dont lie just to please you.

2011-10-13T22:36:00.005+08:00

I think I still like him. Hahaha :> but I know that I will never get him. I just wanted to say it. And it's like Pixie Lott's Broken Arrow- "What do you do when your hearts in two places." Um ok. It's just that I see his Twitter and Tumblr and they're filled with quotes and lyrics of a guy who is clearly in love with someone.

And I seem to think that Cher Lloyd's really cool because she has this really distinctive voice and it makes her songs sound so different even though it's mainstream.

Technically, One Direction is not mainstream because I came to know about them way before they got so popular in Singapore. Even before they started playing their songs on the radio. Since it wasn't played on the radio when I started liking them, they are not counted as mainstream to me.

Unlike that Selena Gomez. When I first heard the, "I I love you like a love song baby.", I told my cousin, "Omg I bet that's a Disney singer. I mean, who can love someone like a love song." AND I WAS RIGHT, SHE IS GROSS. At least Cher Lloyd's good.

2011-10-12T21:08:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I resisted the temptation to release my anger. But now it has gone too far!

Omg my bby Zayn Malik made me blush for the third time. Ilubzchew!!! I was watching One Direction perform both songs on Teen Awards 2011 again. And Danial asked, "Which is the Pakistani guy again?" I said, "That one!" while pointing, "EEEP!!!!! ><" Like I literally did that face. Okay maybe not literally.

This is them performing What Makes You Beautiful. Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik. I think that Niall is very underrated because he doesn't get as much attention as the rest. But he is actually my second favourite because I think that he is very hot with his blonde hair.

Cher Lloyd's performance was the bomb too! There was so much energy! Anyway I got sidetracked.

I got Cs for first two lessons. I mean it's like so unmotivating and furthermore, I don't think I deserve it? 1) ROP- Ms Su specifically ask the rest to see that I put sufficient blusher and lipstick. and in the comments she stated Grooming- Poor. Like wt* (IT WAS A MOMENT OF FOLLY) is your problem. Again ROP, I was contributing and she said 'More participation needed in class.' My ass la, I was sitting in front of you!!! and contributing! I MEAN IF THEY WANT TO GIVE ME Cs RIGHT, PEOPLE WHO PARTIAL CAN GET Ds so WOWWWWW it's like bloody motivating. knowing that the grade of contributing is almost the same as the grade that someone partials or doesnt do work or shit

2) Within 4 hours, how do you expect us to impress you. You stated that I had good class participation but had to improve on team participation. PLEASE LA BEBZ! How can team participation be more important than class participation! AND WHY DID I GET A C JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. K__b__b.

3) TODAY'S ONE!!! WAH BASKET I WAS SO HAPPY THAT I DIDN'T GET A C FOR THAT. AND GUESS WHAT, SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE AS MUCH, HAD A BAD PRESENTATION, GOT THE SAME GRADE AS ME. Omg I am so frustrated! If like that then I can get A la! Basket why I get B then! GUESS WHAT HE DOWNGRADED ME FOR THEN!

HE SAID THAT MY TEAM'S PRESENTATION'S SLIDE COULD HAVE MORE PICTURES AND STUFF. LIKE HELLO OUR PRESENTATION WAS PERFECT LA BITCH, WE DIDN'T REFER TO LAPTOP OR WHAT LA BITCH. WE DIDN'T READ OFF THE SLIDES LA BITCH. THEN LET ME DO THE SLIDES INSTEAD LA! I ACTUALLY WANTED TO DO THE SLIDES AND ADD COLOURS AND STUFF. I SPECIFICALLY HINTED, "SHOULD WE ADD PICTURES?" THEN THEY ONLY ADDED ONE PICTURE.

EH YOU GUYS DAMN PRO AH, GO JOIN POWERPOINT COMPETITION CAN OR NOT. THANKS FOR MY GRADE AH.

2011-10-10T09:33:00.010+08:00

1 October, Saturday

Limin came to my house to eat. HAHAHAHA WHAT AN INVALID REASON. She helped me to spam One Direction and said that my room looked like a forest because it's green.

2 October, Sunday

Slack at home.

3 October, Monday

Woke up for Student Ambassador training which starts at 8am! Did stuff like learning about grooming, how to bun hair and such. There were 4 break times altogether. The food was quite okay, especially the chocolate eclair which was really good!!!

I met up with Ruiyang, Joreen and Kaiyi after that. Went to Joreen's house first for dinner. Then we went to MCC for karaoke but it was already 9pm and it was fully booked. The next booking was at 10pm so we decided to go elsewhere for pool but there were no empty tables! Then we went to the arcade but there were no good games! So we cabbed back to Woodlands interchange and bought food and slacked below the train tracks.

4 October, Tuesday

Went out with Liting! Had dinner at Fish, 313 Somerset. The waitresses there are so funny hahaha. And when one of them told us that we can proceed to the salad bar, we didn't because we thought that we would have to pay. I had some stingray with butter sauce but it was too much I think. We only found out that the salad was free after we were done with our meal.

Rushed off to Cineleisure to watched Friends with Benefits. BUT YAY I'M NOT 18 YET SO I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO IN. It was so embarrassing actually and I feel so bad for Liting. She said that the staff were only one or two days trainees and they still didn't allow me to go in!

So we watched I Don't Know How She Does It. It was quite funny. Then we went to Clarke Quay for Marble Slab Creamery ice-cream and sat by the riverside again. Love her hehe.

5 October, Wednesday

First day of school and I had to wake up at 8am. We didn't have to do anything for presentation because some people took 2 hours to configure their laptop. 1 hour for introduction and 1 hour for doing worksheet. So we ended at 12pm and then me, Gladys and Liting went to Causeway Point!

We had lunch at Banquet. I love the Tom Yum ban mian there! I went home and slacked. I finally initiated the conversation and it well so much better than I had expected xx.

Rushed off for my interview at Kallang Leisure Park. So I thought both bus 36 and 16 goes to Kallang since both of them go to town. But bus 36 doesn't go to Kallang. I had to stop at Raffles City and take the train down to Stadium. That disgusting guy interviewed me. I wanted Katong and they gave me the outlet at Kallang. So I terminated my job offer after I left the place.

Talked on the phone with Limin too *-*

6 October, Thursday

Wore service uniform to school. We had to spot our flaws in grooming but I already had sufficient blusher and red lipstick and my bun was alright and I had stockings on. The only thing bringing me down was my baby hair! The hairspray wore off!

Rushed to the toilet after the lesson to remove the lipstick! I REALLY HATE HAVING SOMETHING APPLIED ON MY LIPS. Met up with Atin and I tried to put some fringe down although it was hard due to the hairspray. We went to Singapore General Hospital and met up with Atu and visited my grandfather. I love him so much. Had Ayam Penyet for dinner at the cafeteria and it's my favourite. Then my parents sent us home.

7 October, Friday

I AM VERY SMART BECAUSE I SPENT $31.60 ON MY VIRGIN TAXI TRIP TO SCHOOL. YOU'RE A BITCH FOR WAKING UP EARLY. NOW YOUR PARENTS DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR THE FARE AND YOU'RE A BROKE BASTARD.

Then some bitch in class said that I had a Malay accent. I'm like, in my head, "Sorry bitch but you look fake with your revealing clothes and you have a fake American accent so please, go have your period in a shark tank."

Went home to wash up for awhile then Atu came and we chose a cupcake flavour to bake and proceeded to buying the ingredients we needed. We did Apple Cinnamon cupcakes and it's so delicious because we put chocolate in the center as well as diced apple in the batter itself. Then we put slices of apple on the top and coated it with liquid sugar and topped it off with cinnamon.

Rushed off to Mr Teh Tarik at Tampines 201 to meet Atin. WE GAVE THE CUPCAKES TO HER FOR HER 19TH BIRTHDAY! So angry because I tweeted that we baked cupcakes for her, thinking she wouldn't see because she was outside and doesn't have a mobile plan. But her boyfriend connected her Twitter account to his iPhone so they saw the tweet and ruined the surprise!

Had milk tea and cheese and hotdog prata and cheese and mushroom prata, with the latter being the better one. Slept at their house.

8 October, Saturday

Woke up and had homemade spaghetti. One thing I love about their mom, which is my aunt, is that she cooks everything from scratch. Grilled salmon, lamb shank, steak, chicken rice. AND THEY ARE ALL SO NICE.

Went to Causeway Point to meet up with Huda and Ayuz. They bought food from KFC and we headed down to Marsiling Community Center for karaoke for only one and a half hours. Took the bus back to Woodlands interchange and another bus to Harbourfront.

We had dinner at Banquet then we walked to Universal Studios but the crane show wasn't on. Oh and the walk there was so great. If I ever get a boyfriend or someone that I like, I want to bring him there hehehehe kidding. No I wasn't really kidding hehe.

9 October, Sunday

Woke up early, with only four hours of sleep. Went to East Coast Park and I had to pay for the taxi fare again. I mean it's their brother's competition and not mine, so why am I the one paying for the cab fare.

So we watched my cousin's paintball competition. His group got third place or something. Went back to my house to wash up. Parents brought us to the hospital to visit my grandfather again. He was like saying that he kept getting Milo. Hehehe so cute. Then I asked what he does since he doesn't have a television in the ward. He replied saying that he just plays with the bed controller all day. Then I teared because I don't want to lose him.

Dinner at some place with pretty good food but the waiter actually sat down with us when he took our order. I felt that it was kind of rude.

Watched One Direction on Teen Awards from London. I wasn't supposed to be able to watch that because it's not available in the area. BUT I AM A BIG FAN OF ONE DIRECTION SO I HAD MY WAYS!

They performed both Na Na Na and What Makes You Beautiful. I love them so much. I love them.

Today

New class again. I got pissed off with someone because when I was discussing about the worksheet answers with the rest of my teammates, he decided to ask me a very smart question. "Do you feel incompetent?"

Awhile later, people said that my face was red and I didn't realized that I was fuming with anger. He has no right to ask me that. And he kept calling me Adam so that the rest of my teammates can laugh along with him and think that he is funny. Okay note this. HE HAS NEVER JOKED WITH ME IN MY PREVIOUS SEMESTER BEFORE SO WHAT MAKES HIM THINK THAT HE CAN JOKE WITH ME NOW. What a major loser.

2011-10-04T01:37:00.008+08:00

the person i like and why i like them.
I like him because he's smart and nice. (Although I don't really like him now because I saw something on his Twitter profile proclaiming his adoration to someone. Also known as a confession.)

a famous person i’ve been compared to.
Sherina an Indonesian singer. The reason is obvious.

5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.
1)
2)
3)
4) The fact that they can manipulate a girl's mind so easily.
5)

the best thing that has happened to me this week.
FXXX THIS SHIT? I woke up at 8am, found out about shit in the afternoon, plans went awfully wrong at night, TELL ME WHAT THE BEST THING IS OH MAYBE THE SECOND ONE WHERE HE CONFESSED TO THE GIRL HE LIKED.

weird things i do when i’m alone.
It's not weird. I go to East Coast Park.

how i’d spend ten thousand bucks.
Buy all the branded stuff without any hesitation or contemplation.

things i like and things i don’t like about the way i look.
I used to like my eyelashes because it was the only thing I was proud of but when I saw the eyelashes of the French guys in Paris, it changed everything.

I don't like. I'm not supposed to be insecure about my looks.

my last night out in detail.
Dinner- I went to Mak's Place with my family and on the way to the restaurant, I saw this car and sped up a little as I was keen on knowing it's brand. It was a Maserati. After the awkward moment when I walk past many staring faces as well as the part where I waited at an empty table, I saw my mother walking towards another table. I wanted to order something different but as soon as the waitress placed the menus on the table, my parents decided to place our orders. I was contemplating if I should get a root beer float but I forgot what it was called because I kept thinking it was called Ice Cream something.

After dinner- My parents dropped my brothers off at home and my mom went up to get a jacket. After she got in the car, she started to tell my dad and I that Raiyan was letting her choose from a range of his outerwear. We went to Kallang Leisure Park and bought tickets to Johnny English. I didn't know where to put the tickets, so I put them in my blouse pocket. We headed down for Marble Slab ice cream. I had Strawberry. There was a new flavour which was Tiramisu and it sucked. I wanted Peach or Peanut Butter. Johnny English was funny. My mom limped out of the theater and I asked rudely if she was alright and then I felt guilty after knowing that she was actually limping.

something that makes me sad when i think about it.
That he confessed to her.

something i’ve lied about.
Studying with Jane but I actually went to Parkway with Jane and Yixi when I was in Primary 4 or 5.

would i rather be stranded on a desert island with someone i love for ten years or someone i hate for a month? explain why.
Someone I love for ten years because I'm a cliche and I'd rather be with the one I love. I can't really stand having the presence of someone I hate. Although I don't hate people.

something i’m currently worrying about.
My GPA. Either that or worrying if I should initiate a conversation with K.

one person from tumblr i’d throw off a cliff, one i’d marry and one i’d fuck.
Throw- ventio
Marry- hidings
Fuck- -heights (Isaiah)

something i do without realising.
SQUINTING MY EYES. I get so sad when people make fun of me for this.

lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood.
She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5 (Look for the girl with the broken smile.)

a drunken story.
I was playing Scrabble with Jeremy and he was drunk. While waiting for my turn, he mumbled something and fell asleep.

something i regret.
Knowing Jane because it's her fault that I dropped from the best class to the second best class and from then, I was heading downwards all the way.

post a picture of myself.

I T0TEZ LVOE G00FEE?!!1?!@2?! (The goo0rge girl at the back who seems to be staring into space was rlleay cute?!!1? She saw me tying Scorpion and then smiled when I was done &_&)

my longest relationship and who it was with.
I've never been in a relationship.

press ctrl v and post.

And I chose Strawberry too.

post a bit of my last IM convo.
27/9/2011 12:29:48 AM Joreen Boboe ohhhh
27/9/2011 12:29:52 AM Joreen Boboe dun sad girl
27/9/2011 12:29:54 AM Joreen Boboe ftl
27/9/2011 12:30:40 AM Sherina Tan what is ftl? :(
27/9/2011 12:30:56 AM Joreen Boboe fuck their lives
27/9/2011 12:31:00 AM Joreen Boboe hmph
27/9/2011 12:32:18 AM Sherina Tan AWW (L)

5 things i want to change.
- My life
- The country I am staying in. I jus 1 too move to London where everything seems happier for me?
- My GPA score.
- The timezone I am in. I want to be in London's timezone.
- My home country. I belong in London with One Direction.

my view on being tumblr famous.
I waAnNa be3 1 t00!!!!!!1 teahee!!!

someone i’d like to be for a day and why.
I've always wondered what it's like to be famous. So I want to be Justin Bieber. At least it's only a day.

5 things within touching distance.
In order of nearest to farthest.
- Tee Hui's mouse hehe
- Eraser
- Green coaster from Amoeba
- Laptop battery which is on my coaster.
- A bag of keychains.

story of my first kiss.
I have never been kissed xx

2011-09-30T14:41:00.003+08:00

29 September, Thursday

Met up with Joyce, Limin and Jenies and we had lunch at 18 Chefs. It's not bad I guess because of the set meal but it isn't that great. We chatted for about 3 hours. And then we left for NEX for karaoke!

I finally went after like six or nine months! Because everyone else has people to go with and I don't! It was fun but Jenies and Joyce kept disturbing me and Limin's moment when we sang emotional songs! They didn't have One Direction songs.

Speaking of One Direction, I can't believe that the song has been played on radio stations. It just pisses me off! This is so unfair! I came to know about them way before it became mainstream! Now Singaporeans will just overplay it hence making it overrated. I'm just so upset because it's my happy song. It's just so rare that I have one and I'm so upset over the fact that it will be overplayed and will lose the whole purpose of it being my happy song.

I've decided that I love Louis Tomlinson too! Because he is the funniest guy everrrr! http://www.youtube.com/user/OneDirectionMusic#p/u/31/qY0HLLNTYW0 HAHAHA!!! THE LAST PART WHERE LOUIS ANNOUNCED THE WINNER OMG I'M GOING TO DIE

2011-09-27T17:07:00.011+08:00

Yesterday, I watched Beastly. It was a pretty good show because I could see how beautiful Kyle's actions were even after he turned ugly. It was a pretty story. Then I watched Love Actually which sucked because they incorporated too many stories that the ending of all the stories were too sudden and short.

Chatted with Joreen at night. From 11pm to 3am! Hahaha love her because something happened during the night. I realized that my friends are hiding stuff from me. Then my conversation with someone failed because my bloody MSN sucks. Then everything just sucks with S. Idk whatever I guess I don't stand a chance. If it weren't for Joreen, I wouldn't have anyone to talk to to keep my mind off these painful things.

Non-Muslims guys want non-Muslim girls. Muslim guys want pretty Muslim girls. And people still say that guys aren't jerks. These guys were the ones who said that not all guys are jerks. Well they are and they break my heart and make me feel so sad. They're so judgmental.

I am so stoked about One Direction. They're not known in Singapore yet so I'm enjoying the moment that it's not considered mainstream yet! I love Zayn Malik the most because he's such a pretty boy and has a pretty voice. I love Niall but he likes someone else from X Factor too which totally sucks. Then there's my baby Harry Styles. He's the most popular I think. He has the strongest voice and the most prettiest curly brown hair I have ever seen.

Okay so I don't really like something about Zayn which I found out last night when I was watching his recorded video on Twitcam. He was so annoying when he freaked out about his new earring being lost and he is so vain because he doesn't show Niall to the viewers. Instead he just hogs the camera and fixes his hair every second. This is such a turn off.

HI ZAYN BBY. U WILL B MAI BB 4EVA TEAHEE!! ^~^

HAI NIALL HORAN I LUV U ^~^ YOU CUTE BLONDE BRITISH GUY WITH UR PRETTY BLONDE HARE!!

HARRY STYLES U CUTE BOI WIT UR CERLY BRAUN HARE I LUV YEW MUACKS!!

THE OTHER TWO SUCK BECAUSE THEY LOOK GAY. Zayn bby looks so gorgeous here. Okay my tree bbies l0ok go0rge \^^/

2011-09-23T19:39:00.006+08:00

I don't get why I'm never happy with anything. I found out that I dropped 0.1 from the previous one. Then I realized that I can't possibly get this because it's too good. So I calculated it and I actually dropped 0.2 from the previous GPA. I can't believe it. I MEAN OMG. THAT 0.1 MAKES SO MUCH DIFFERENCE! The 0.2 drop has caused my accumulated GPA to drop. WHAT IF IT DROPS MORE OVER THE NEXT FEW SEMESTERS! IT'S JUST GETTING SO HARD EVERY PASSING SEMESTER! I DON'T WANT TO FAIL MYSELF ANYMORE. IF MY SEMESTER GPA DROPS, SO WILL MY ACCUMULATED GPA AND WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO WHAT I WANTED.

WHAT I HAVE BEEN ACHIEVING FOR. THIS SEMESTER I NGAM NGAM HIT THE GPA SCORE. I want to cry. I don't want to do badly. I'm so scared.

The first thing when I saw it, I was thankful to God. Thank you so much. My friend's tweet says it all. siti_aida Siti Aida Alhamdulillah, passed all my modules. Still need to build up my GPA though. Thankful, nonetheless. :D

2011-09-22T18:09:00.008+08:00

o1. tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

I don't know who I like anymore.

o2. what on your body is hurting or bothering you?

I'm not supposed to be insecure about my flaws.

o3. what was your last thought before going to bed last night?

The guy who said something to me when he was drunk.

o4. what are you listening to?

The cracking of my fingers.

o5. what’s something you’re not looking forward to?

Either someone's reply or doing badly for the F1 banquet tomorrow.

o6. where do you think your best friend is right now?

I'm not sure.

o7. have you kissed anybody in the last five days?

No.

o8. sex on the first date?

No I'm not a slut.

o9. kiss on the first date?

Nope.

1o. is there one person you want to be with right now?

Yes but he doesn't.

11. are you seriously happy with where you are in life?

I think so. I'm honestly trying.

12. is there something you would like to say to someone?

I just want to go out with that person.

13. what are three things you did today?

- From 12am-3am, I read up on past conversations with someone and realized I miss that person.

- Be shocked by the fact that I might have to have an operation if my thyroid gets bigger or if I have cancer.

- Try the different flavours of Walkers shortbread cookies from London.

14. would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over?

Sleep at friend's!

15. what is your favorite kind of gum?

Watermelon or plain bubblegum flavour!

16. are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends?

Nope!

17. what is on your wrists right now?

Wrist hair.

18. ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?

So many.

19. does anyone have strong feelings for you?

I don't think so.

2o. are you slowly drifting away from someone?

Yes and I'm proud of it!

21. have you ever wasted your time on someone?

Yes that's why I'm proud of drifting away from that person!

22. can you do the alphabet in sign language?

I keep forgetting some alphabets. But credits to Ya Xun for teaching me!

23. how have you felt today?

I didn't know what to feel when I got the news from the doctor.

24. you receive $60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

Gong Cha or Marble Slab ice-cream & save the rest bby

25. what is wrong with you right now?

I don't know who I like.

26. is there anyone you’re really disappointed in?

Yes my frand!

27. would you rather have starbucks or jamba juice right now?

Starbucks muackxzx

28. why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?

I don't have one.

29. how late did you stay up last night and why?

I went to bed at 3am because I was reading past conversations with someone! And I only slept at 5am because I'm jetlag since it's supposed to be 10pm in London!

3o. when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Recently.

31. what were you doing an hour ago?

Nom nom on Walkers cookies

32. what are you looking forward to in the next month?

I only have one thing planned next month. Which is the Student Ambassador training

33. are you wearing jeans right now?

No bby

34. are you a patient person?

Not at all. I hate it when I can't show how frustrated I am when I wait for someone.

35. do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?

Maybe.

36. favorite color?

Green.

37. did you have a dream last night?

Nope

38. are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

Shorts.

39. if someone could be cuddling you right now, who would you want it to be?

That person la.

4o. do you love anyone who is not related to you?

More towards liking.

41. if someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

Yes plz

42. do you like meeting new people?

Yes because as a Scorpio, I like to have new information about people. No because I have this fear of losing them.

43. are you afraid of falling in love?

No because I've never experienced it before.

44. ever liked someone older than you?

Yes.

45. has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?

I don't think so.

46. have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?

Many times.

2011-09-20T12:31:00.011+08:00

Know what, I'm sick of being sad. Sad for myself, sad about everything. Why don't I just stop being so selfish to myself and end this suffering. (not by committing suicide)

Stop having to worry how to reply, stop all those thoughts in my head. For once, I just want to be me. Who I am. Right until now, I still don't know who I am because what I type, what I reply and sometimes what I hate and love also depends on who the other party is. I'm disgusted by myself for pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm sick of liking someone who doesn't like me back. I mean you can't quite force someone to like something, much less wait so long for something to happen.

You can't just wait. The time spent, my emotions, I can't believe I've wasted them all. I need to do something about it. I won't let myself be the victim of my own story. You see that person moving on with life and you should too. Someone else comes in the picture, then idk move on with life.

I'm not saying that I can't be sad once in a while. Just not all the time.

I miss unicornhead.

0k now a pic of me from a few months back :Y

OHAITHUR long haire! I've missed you!!

- Text unicornhead.

- Get Gong Cha.
- Karaoke. MY LAST ONE WAS SINCE FOREVER!! I can never find anyone to go with :C
- Newton or ECP but I must find people to go with th0.
- Be patient about something and don't keep your hopes up :B
- Try the Horlicks McFlurry

Muacksxzxzzxxzsxzs ^^

2011-09-03T21:15:00.002+08:00

1 September, Friday

Watched Cat with Liting and Shuyi at Cineleisure! It was great to me. Haha okay then Shuyi had to go so Liting and I watched Final Destination 5 for our movie marathon. So many people said that Final Destination 5 was scary but it's so not. Cat is so much scarier.

Left and saw Danial with his girlfriend. Then Selene saw me too. Liting just extracted her teeth and I had my braces tightened so we could only eat soft food. Which is so hard to find. We ended up taking a long time finishing our grilled fish at Long John's Silver.

Bought Gong Cha then went to Taka to look for Sharon because she's selling mooncakes. We walked one whole round and didn't manege to find her. So we went to the basement and then in the end we gave up and decided to find Belda who's also working there. In the end we found Sharon! She gave samples and they were so good.

Went to Clarke Quay for Marble Slab ice-cream and heart to heart talk by the river. Then we went to look for Joreen! Long time since I've seen her! Okay I walked around Clarke Quay at night for the first time.

I like saw the cutest guy ever.

TODAY

Hari Raya visiting. It was alright. Finally bonded with my guy cousins. We have been drifting apart. And I realized that one of my biggest fears is losing people in my life, be it by death or by stopping all forms of communication with that person. This is why I'm scared. I'm scared to make new friends because I have this fear that they too will leave me. I don't want to lose anyone.

2011-09-01T00:30:00.011+08:00

17 August, Wednesday

I saw Jozie, my primary school best friend. We used to be in the best class in Ngee Ann Primary. Then I met this girl called Jane and she made me what I am now. One of the two days that I regret in my life.

18 August, Thursday

Photoshoot at school. Studied with QWERTY. The rest went home, leaving me, Liting and Shu. They broke fast with me. And then we laughed like mad at Khairil's tweet. Pheww...done with cleaning my clean...

19 August, Friday

School with Liting. Saw Sharon and Charmaine. Saw Khai, Kaiyi, Joreen too. Took the train with Sharon and Charmaine. Charmaine's so sweet. Dinner at Hyatt for Raiyan's 20th.

20 August, Saturday

Got some notes from Amira. Then Shafique said that he saw Paramore which is so unfair. Broke fast with Amira at Tmart McDonalds. We got the Family Meal which was really worth it and chatted. She said that maybe his tweets were about me. The optimistic me has been thinking so and also the otherwise.

22 August, Monday

Which brings me to this tweet. Your tweets are ambiguous so I am not going to assume it's me in regard to mitigate my disappointment if it's not.

23 August, Tuesday

Took the same bus home with Gladys and she fixed one of the puzzle pieces in my life. It was one of the days that I have regretted in my life. The reason why things are like this between him and I now.

25 August, Thursday

Last day of exams. Sharon and Liting broke fast at KFC with me.

30 August, Monday

- Decided to eat ice-cream because I lost my Fossil shawl. I remember having a hard time getting that. I was broke then and I was so afraid that it would be out of stock when I finally saved enough money.

- Hari Raya at my cousin's house. (Owe 8 fasting days.)

- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for being insecure around you. Then again, you didn't deny it. But you still managed to try. I think I'll be too ashamed to acknowledge you when I see you in school. You're so nice.

- Prawning with Raiyan and my cousins, Datin and Ratu and their brothers @ Punggol @ night. It was one of the best times of my life. Just slacking, nothing to rush, nothing to be sad about. Just taking turns with Datin and Ratu on the rod, hot Tom Yum maggie while waiting for my turn, listening, singing and commenting to what's on 98.7fm. I caught 2 prawns and touched chicken liver. The atmosphere was great. Only 3 strangers there.

Having Raiyan being really patient in teaching me how to catch the prawns. I really miss him. Rafiqal and Raiyan skewered the prawns while Hidayat and Datin started the fire. We all caught a total of 56 prawns. Ratu and I just watched and chatted about guys. Peeling the prawns and dipping them in salt, and then Rafiqal said that the hotdogs were still being cooked! They were burnt and he said that they were eclairs HAHAHA FUNNIEST JOKE OF MY LIFE. Not forgetting the car ride since Raiyan can drive. I want more times like this.

31 August, Tuesday

- Shopping with Limin. Saw Jingwen @ 313 Somerset.

- Cried on bus 10 when I passed the old train station because that place reminds me of my late granduncle. He took that from Malaysia to come to Singapore. The one who used to buy waffles for my siblings and I, pampered us with money. Many people, especially those in RP, have seen me playing Solitaire. None of them know the reason why. He taught me how to play that game. He was extremely smart, a genius who was good in Maths. (which probably explains why I love Maths). I love and miss him so much. When he passed away, he donated all of his money to the poor. I love him.

He was the only one who didn't mind my dad marrying someone of a different race. He was the only one who sincerely accepted us for who we are. I love you.

- I found my Fossil shawl.

TODAY

What if I told you that I like you. It's not that I don't want to move on, I just can't find anyone else. Anyone that likes me back.

And K keeps ignoring my tweet and message. I give up (for now). He's such a hopeless case. He dgaf about how I feel at all. How I care for him and shit.

2011-08-27T03:34:00.002+08:00

Okay I guess it really has always been you. It sounds so corny. But the terms 'him' or 'he' in questions raised like, "So how's you and him?" or "Has he been contacting you?" have always been related to him.

I feel so worried. I just feel so worried when he's in despair, when he needs help with even the littlest things. From time to time, I wait for messages from him, even though we seem to be nothing more than acquaintances now.

Adrian, WB, S, are merely diversions. I did try. I tried but nothing ever happens. I was never an option to any guy. I've tried not to lose hope because my friends keep saying that there will be one. They were just being nice.

What hurts most is when people aren't surprise that I've never had a boyfriend before. What does that imply, the fact that everyone around me thinks the same way. I look like I've never had a boyfriend before. It makes me feel so insecure okay. It just makes me feel so insecure. Is it my personality, being so loud sometimes, being too shy and boring to start a conversation sometimes, the fact that I care about what people think. Is it my unfeminine voice, my unfeminine ways. Cue cliche statement, "No one understands." I hate this sentence because when people say it, it sort of hurts, but I just needed to say it.

2011-08-21T16:56:00.001+08:00

When will I ever realize that he's not the one for me. It just hurts so bad.

2011-08-16T21:59:00.005+08:00

I feel like crying just thinking about how much my birthdays suck. Okay I Google-d 'purpose of birthdays' and I got this.

Birthday’s really are important, not necessarily for the person that is having the Birthday but for those whose life has been impacted by the person having the birthday.

Haha. My presence doesn't impact anyone ^^v I took about 40 minutes going through photo albums to check when was the last time I had a proper birthday cake. I think it was in 2006. So I've never had a proper cake in 5 years. Last year, I shared it with 2 other people (ha ha pathetic).

Everytime I see people buying cakes for their friends, the cake goes unfinished and inside, I'm like, "Aww I don't even get a cake." ;(

Okay one of the reasons why I don't like birthdays. I really shouldn't get started on the presents one.

Anyway I thought of this post just because it's Raiyan's birthday today and even though no one believes me that my brothers always get cakes for their birthdays and I don't, I do. I remember everything. That I had an earthquake ice-cream at Swensen's when I was in Primary 4.

13th birthday- I asked why I didn't get a cake and my mom said that the card was expensive enough. I later found out that it cost about $7 when I found the receipt. She must have been having financial difficulties then. #sarcasm

15th birthday- I didn't get a celebration at all because I went to Korea. They didn't even bother celebrating it in advance.

16th birthday- I got a $20 jewellery box with lame prints on it. They didn't bother to take off the price tag.

17th birthday- I shared my cake with two other people. Ha ha ha how pathetic. I didn't even get a slice of that cake.

Raiyan got a $300 Hugo Boss watch for his 18th and a $300 meal at Hyatt. We're going Hyatt again for his birthday. He got a sum of money. I shall see what I'll get for my 18th.

The worst part is that I always cry when I tell someone about how unfair this is and no one cares. So I've stopped telling people about it. Now I'm crying walao weakling ttm. And once again no one knows.

On the bright side, I remember Amelya's present for me last year ^^ erm ok awks. That was my only present leh.

2011-08-14T11:57:00.010+08:00

11 August, Thursday

Slacked at Macdonalds with Gladys, Fel, Mel, Liting, Sharon and Shu. Mel and I were dying because the rest were talking about Kpop. Then Mel and Gladys left and I found out that Jason was still at Causeway arcade!

So we surprised him! He's some arcade addict. Hahaha like some professional. Then we all got distracted by the games there and stayed there from 2pm to 6pm. We all spent about $27 there. And Jason let us choose stuff using the tickets he earned! IT'S LIKE MY CHILDHOOD ALL OVER AGAIN. With my dad spending so much money on us so that we can play at the arcade iluvhim ^-^

12 August, Friday

Culinary Science excursion! It was just a place where all the food outlets in Singapore buy there plates and glasses and stuff. WE EXPOSED SWENSEN'S BECAUSE WE FOUND THE GLASS THEY USE! Quite interesting la because I was just annoying people during the tour.

Me, Shu, Gladys, Mel and kitty at the back! I finally have a picture with Mel!! Her hair so pweety, I am very jealous.

Iggy, me, Gladys, Shu mimicking Iggy's awkward pose. Everyone who saw this picture said, "It's as if you guys just met each other for 5 minutes. Like you guys don't know each other. It's so awkward."

QWERTY

UIOP (My two guy best friends, Iggy and Jason. Fake ones!)

Bus dropped us off at Woodlands interchange. And I saw Sugi there so we chatted for a little bit. Hahaha he's so cute. He seemed so scared to leave his current class. Okay so there was me, Fel, Liting, Jason, Sharon and Shu. No movie at Causeway Point so we decided to go to J8 at Bishan.

Change of plans. No movie so we had ice-cream at Marble Slab Creamery. I am an addict. I had Red Velvet, which is the 18th flavour I've tried, and Strawberry. When I was done, the rest just finished ordering. THEY TOOK THAT LONG TO DECIDE. But I collected enough chops on my card to get free ice-cream so I got Vanilla Bean.

Went to the arcade to play. Daytona and basketball. I played the hockey table game with Jason. AND HE IS SO MEAN!

Jason: Eh where's the puck?

Me: *bends down to check*

CLING
Me: WHAT?!! YOU CHEATER!

He had the puck and made me bend down and scored a goal when I wasn't looking. He won anyway. Sharon and Fel had to go so there's me, Jason, Sharon and Liting left.

This Jason smiles like Chandler. So we mimicked him. But kitty looks like a kitty with rabies. Hahaha.

Don't say I didn't say so.

(The pizza, mushroom wrap which was delish, and four ice-lemon tea were also included.)

Went to Pizza Hut for dinner and HTH session with them. We had the Hut Feast to share among all four of us. We discussed on a clique name. If it's just girls, it's QWERTY. If it's with the guys, Iggy and Jason, we're QWERTYUIOP. I thought of it a few days before, during my bus ride home actually. Left at about 11pm!

13 August, Saturday

Rushed out of the house to get to Raffles City Convention Hall. I WAS SO LATE FOR MY F1 BRIEFING. Limin and Gladys were already there! So after the briefing, we stole biscuits and they were good.

Then we had a tour around, like the back part of the place and stuff.

Limin: Eh why got traffic light here!

Girl: *turns to walk and bangs her head on it*

ME AND GLADYS: HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHA

THE FUNNY PART WAS THAT WE WERE GOING TO LOOK AT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT AND THEN SUDDENLY THAT GIRL HIT IT. IT WAS SO HARD TO CONTROL OUR LAUGHTER!

Bought Gong Cha. Can't believe I spent $3.80 on it. Then Gladys and Limin went to have dinner, I jealuz. I went to meet Amira and we both headed to Swisshotel. So Azra had to come down to open the door for us. She opened the door for like lots of people and she didn't see us. So she walked away and Amira and I rushed to the door where this guy opened the door for us. So we were at the lifts area while Azra continued walking to the lobby searching for us. It was smooth and I'm so proud of it.

Slacked in the hotel room and went to Thai Express for dinner. Talked about stuff with Amira because Azra left to entertain guests in her room. Went back to the room for games and cake cutting.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZRA ♥

2011-08-10T21:18:00.010+08:00

The people in these photos should be grateful because I'm sacrificing my dear Sheldon Cooper, I mean Big Bang Theory for them. Hehehe kidding, I love these people in these pictures.

20 June 2011, Monday

Field trip and Marble Slab Creamery.

23 July 2011, Saturday

Joreen's birthday at East Coast Park. She's so pretty!

25 July 2011, Monday
Award ceremony.

8 August 2011, Monday
Outing session with W45B girls.

9 August 2011, Tuesday
National Day Parade with my cousins. Probably one of the best I've ever experienced. Seeing the fireworks, I've never been that happy in such a long time.

I guess in order to move on, I found someone else. He makes me believe that there are nice guys around. But like any other guys, they like pretty girls. So yup, I just stated one of the reasons why I'm sad. I try to initiate the conversation but you don't even bother. You like someone else anyway. The girl who you eventually end up with is just so lucky. I know it's stupid but I'm only appearing online to you but like it matters.

You tweet stuff like who would ever have a crush on you. Well maybe I do. I guess I was never an option to begin with. You didn't think that someone would fall in love with someone as egoistic and smart as you but I guess I did. Okay that's all. I'm being delusional that someone I like will like me back. OH WAIT THAT'S BECAUSE THEY LIKE SOMEONE ELSE! ^-^

2011-08-08T00:09:00.003+08:00

I miss blogging. I miss typing out my thoughts here. Even though they don't really coincide with one another, the words and thoughts. But nothing has changed. I blogged about it on my phone though. I'll post it here if I'm free.

2011-08-04T21:29:00.002+08:00

Don't check this place for awhile.

I need to sort out my thoughts. I just remember breaking down all the way from Woodlands to my house yesterday. I'm an emotional wreck.

2011-08-01T21:13:00.003+08:00

I still feel funny when I see or text you and I don't know why. I'm selfish for putting myself through all this. For putting my heart at sake just for that smile on my face. I don't even know if it's worth it. I just wanted to be happy and that was to know that I existed to him. Because I know that when he texts me, I'm in his thoughts.

Then I fell for it. YX told me not to text him. She really told me not to text him. But I did. As in he started it first but I continued. I managed to kill the conversation for the first one. Because I knew that I would get hurt in the end. And then I couldn't do it anymore. He made a deal with me, raised my expectations to the furthest end of the universe, then he said something and it crushed me into minuscule pieces. I felt so depressed that I stared at the ceiling for the longest time and doing nothing for the whole day. Thinking of how worthless I am to him.

2011-07-30T21:54:00.003+08:00

Monday, 25 July

There was an award ceremony so me, Nats, Ivy and Ben couldn't follow the rest of our class for the excursion. Anyway my dad couldn't make it and I was actually quite sad. But my mom came. So after that there was the reception with really good creampuffs and meatballs.

Okay then my mom and I took bus 169 because I thought it goes to Woodlands interchange. Technically I was right, just that I led us to the wrong side of the bus stop. THANK GOODNESS JENIES WAS IN THE BUS TOO, THEN I ASKED HER WHERE IT LEADS.

Mom train home from Yishun while I went to Cityhall to meet my classmates. Met up with Gladys, Fel, Shuyi and Liting at Citylink Starbucks. Slacked and finally went to Clarke Quay for ice-cream at Marble Slab Creamery.

Sat by the riverside, with our formal attire, eating our ice-cream. Talked about horror and thriller movies until we scared ourselves. (Liting and I have been sleeping in our parents rooms till now.) Then Fel and Gladys went home. Liting, Shu and I continued sharing stories. And they wanted dinner so we went to Burger King. Okay then dad fetched me because I was scared from all the stories.

Tuesday, 26 July

Did fusion food for cooking module. Then Yaxun and I wanted to get Hei Sushi at IMM but it was only a small outlet. So we decided to have dinner at Fish and Co. Terrible service.

Me: What is this ingredient?

Waiter1: Sorry let me call my friend. He knows the food here! (Uh okay, a little too informal)

Waiter2: This ingredient is actually from Japan.

Waiter1: Yes! This ingredient is what makes the dish a Japanese one.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT. IF SOMEONE ASKS ME WHAT A FILLET MIGNON IS, I JUST SAY OH IT'S A TYPE OF MEAT. BASKET EH. I am angry because these kind of people can find jobs and I can't bitches.

Talked at Macdonalds. It was like Snow City at IMM. It was really cold. Okay so we both decided to take bus home. Hers was about 2 hours and mine was 1 and a half hours which was the longest bus ride ever to me.

Parents bought home Marble Slab Creamery ice-cream for me. Hahaha I am such and addict.

Wednesday, 27 July

Had Macdonalds breakfast with Liting, Shu, Sharon, Gladys and Fel before school! ♥ I feel bad because no one asked Melizsa about it. Anyway I got a teabag from Samuel! So I had tea in my tumbler! ^^ And I didn't go for lunch break. Rushed back after school for dental. It's red on top and pink below. IT'S SO UGLY HAHAHA

Thursday, 28 July

HAHAHA SO WE WENT TO THE LECTURE THEATER FOR MEETING 3. Then I wanted to go to the toilet so I stood up and was really careful in getting out. But then I dropped the bottle on Shu's table and she jumped up because I woke her up.

Gladys and I were saying that we wanted guy best friends. It's like every girl on Earth already has one. I'm so upset. So Iggy and Jason offered to be our best friends. Omg they're the worst best friends on Earth! Because they will never open up. But anyway the best friends thing was a joke. Was supposed to watch Harry Potter with Nats but we were too late!

Friday, 29 July

I was angry because I said that I wanted to play the game. Then you gave me the black face because I didn't let you play it. Um okay, first, a few weeks ago, you said that you see no point in playing such games. So I let you play it and I thought we could both play the game but you were selfish.

Played on Cookie Dozer on my bestie's iPhone then ^^ Okay Jason is so funny and he even let me bring his phone down during lunch break to play! Walked to interchange with my classmates. I got home and my aunt and nephew were there. He's sucha qt bby.

Left the house at around 8pm to find Liting, Sharon and Shuyi at Scape. I was accompanying them to buy their SHINEE tickets. Actually I feel quite bad because I was sarcastic when I said that I like Kpop. And not to mention, so many times. Two of Sharon's friends were there too.

1) Queued upstairs and I had my Long John's dinner and green milk tea with white pearls from Gong Cha. The drink was really nice and Liting was the one who recommended the white pearls. The queue was quite long already. And the tickets start selling at 10am. It was only 9pm then.

Today

2) 12am plus. Went down to start the real queue. Then like fifty people cut our queue. I was so pissed off that I kept glaring. Made friends with those in front of us. Liting's iPod Touch was going to die so I couldn't play my Cookie Dozer.

3) We started to get scared and held on to each other's hands because it was so chaotic. People cutting our queue and stuff.

4) Got a tag from the management team and was told to go up to queue again. This time it was air-conditioned and we were told to settle there. We played games and slept for awhile. I had 3 hours of sleep in total!

5) Actually it's quite cool because we get free refreshments like free soda drinks and when I woke up, there was bubbletea for me! I chose the milk tea with pudding and it was so nice!

6) It was approaching 10am and they were going to start selling the tickets. Halfway through the queue, they said that 2 sectors were sold out. So Sharon, Shu, Liting and Sharon's other friends were busy dialing Sistic, their parents for their credit card numbers, and their friends to help them book tickets. I feel quite bad because all along, I was playing Scrabble on Sharon's Nintendo DS. But all of them managed to get the standing tickets though.

7) We already bought the tickets online so there was no use in queuing anymore. So we left the queue and once I exited that place, Jenies called me. SHE WAS AT THE BACK OF THE QUEUE. She could have taken my spot because I was only two rows away from reaching the counters. But it's okay because I recently found out that she got the standing tickets too because Scape reserved them. Went home to sleep.